Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Kweeny Goes To The Vampire's Masquarde Ball!

Portland is a magical place, full of strange shops, a bookstore that feels like paradise (I'm looking at you Powell's) great venues for bands I adore (seen Otep and Abney Park there) and awesome conventions (yay Wizard World!). But the one thing I wasn't sure about was how darkly inclined Portland could be, until my dear friends told me of a Vampire's Masquerade Ball happening on the same weekend as the H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival!

Holy shit I want to move to Portland now! Maybe next year I shall...

So I couldn't go to both as I am not a rich super hero with unlimited time and resources, but I did vamp myself up and took some awesome friends with me to the Vampire's Ball!

What do you guys think? Do I pass as a vampire?
Let me tell you folks, it was a beautiful, majestic event! I felt like a truly regal Voodoo Queen among vampires. Our table was lovely, with beautiful centerpieces and delicious food, plenty of wine and even the option of different kinds of absinthe to drink (because damn it, we vamps like our choices!), Gothic music and finery as far as the eye could see, magical performers, including Mrs. Gothic Manners herself! I should have tried harder to meet her, but there were too many people and it got overwhelming at times. I did manage to make my way to the dance floor and dance with a sexy succubus I was with...

Our cleavage makes angels cry.
And there was even a midnight Waltz that was lovely to witness. The vendors below were all awesome and darkly magical, and if I was loaded I am sure I would have left that place bankrupt. I did manage to get my hands on a lovely Raven skull, so I am pleased with my gift.

Of course, I cannot thank my lovely female company enough. Because of them this event was a smashing success, and each of them dressed so deliciously dark I felt right at home. Thank you my Twisted Sisters. You make every event worth the pain of corsets! (And thank you to Marlena and friends for the sexy pictures!)

Overall, the event was a devious success, and I would recommend any vampire lover, hell, costume lover who wishes ro feel like the royalty they truly are to come to the Vampire's Masquerade Ball next year too. Hopefully they wont make it fall on the same days as the Lovecraft festival, because I cannot miss it again. I think my soul died a little for not meeting Doug Bradley.

And my final note to close this post off with, is to show you this piece of art by my dear friend Jason Robichaud of Pinups for Cancer! He drew this after seeing my Vampy-self all dolled up in the picture above. I think I make a fine pinup Vampire, don't you?

Friday, 21 March 2014


Horror just isn't the same without good music backing it up. Be it a strong soundtrack or a cool band playing in the background, music and horror go hand in hand. I'm a pretty big music fan myself, and I really enjoy a well done music video. Now, a music video with horror influences that tells a story REALLY gets my blood pumping, even if I normally wouldn't listen to the band or I outright LOATHE the band. But sometimes, I can ignore a terrible song if the video they present it with is REALLY FRIGGEN ENTERTAINING.

Remembering my angsty-monster-driven youth recently, I was reminded of just such a video. This sparked an idea for a post where I collect some of my favorite music videos with horror themes. Even if the music isn't particularly my favorite, I have to give a hat tip to these awesome videos for at LEAST trying. Especially if the video tries to tell a story, which is a hard thing to do in the medium of music videos. Sometimes they get it right on the nose, and sometimes even the music works with the visuals. Fail or not, these are my favorites, and I wanted to share/subject you to them.



Yes, I hear what you are saying, "Really Kweeny? A Boy band? Are you cooking meth again and sniffing the fumes? But honestly, the video is good. You could turn the sound off and STILL be entertained watching this silly, tongue-and-cheek tribute to old horror icons. The makeup is really well done, and they clearly had an affection for the old classic monsters. When I was 13 or so and saw this, I was amazed that a BOY BAND was doing such a fun tribute to things I loved. At least you can say the Backstreet Boys have good taste in movies, if this is a true indication of their tastes.


Yes, we could argue EVERY Rob Zombie video is a tribute to Horror, but I find this one in particular is very old school horror. It does a fine portrayal of a combination of zombie films, black and white horror, and the Frankenstein's monster story. The style is what is the most striking, and it has more of a cohesive story than some of his other videos. I think it's a fine tribute to classic monster movies.


Again, I turn to the horror shock rockers, but this time it's my old pal Alice Cooper bringing the darkness in horror videos. His older songs have more of a horror feel, but the videos were pretty terrible and not really horrific enough for this countdown. (But I sure love songs like Welcome To My Nightmare and Feeding My Frankenstein) This video off of his newer album not only has a song I can rock out to, but the video is AWESOME. Who doesn't love a crazy asylum video, with ALICE COOPER in it!


Disturbed isn't for everyone, especially harder heavy metal fans, but I find their songs great for things like working out. When I need to pump some energy up, I put their stuff on and it helps. This song though, OH FUCK YES I LOVE IT. I love it not only because it sings to my wilder side, but it has friggen WOLVES and WEREWOLF imagery in it! *HOWL!*


Speaking of awesome werewolf videos, this classic Ozzy video has all the elements of old horror movies. With a mad scientist at the beginning drinking potions, putting him in a straight jacket and locking him up, a horse drawn carriage with his lifeless corpse inside, to him turning into a wolf itself! OZZY KNOWS WHAT I LIKE! I remember when I first saw this video and how excited it got me. 


Not really a fan of most of their work, but this song and video won my heart. The whole thing is shot like a re-imagining of The Shining, and fans of the movie (like myself) will love it. It's a really well done video, and the visuals are very striking. Plus, I actually enjoyed the song to the video, which is a nice treat when both meld together well.


Yup, it's an old school pop video from the early 80's! This one is really well done, and feels like a serial killer is stalking someone throughout the video by the way it's shot.We get ghostly apparitions dancing, half naked dudes in grave yards, you name it. It's actually a little creepy at times, and makes me think of Jason or Mike Myers stalking someone they will kill. I do enjoy that the stalker pets the dog though.


This one is probably my favorite on the list, not just because the story is haunting and actually chilling, but the song that accompanies it is ghostly as well. It gets stuck in my head when I am having a dark mood, and that's because the video/song combo is just prefect. It has a voodoo/obscure cult feel, and really watch what's happening when you view this one. You just know the kids on the boat are being led to their doom by the dark feel of this video. You don't need blood and guts to make a story interesting.


You knew this one was going to be here. I don't know a horror fan who hasn't seen this video. It was so wicked when it first came out, with a great song to accompany the fun video. It had a plot that was easy to follow, just like the other videos here, but what it had that the others didn't was the wonderful VINCENT PRICE narrating in the middle! You want cred in your music video with horror fans, put VINCENT PRICE in it!

So that's my list. Like the videos I chose or wanna share some of your favorites with me? Put them in the comments! 

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Kweeny Reviews: Atom The Amazing Zombie Killer

Long time readers of my blog know by now I am a lover of all things horrific. Be they masterpieces of cinema that blow the mind, literature that pokes fun at word play and puns, gore-drenched video games, or just plain shlocky awful films that transcend the terrible into pure awesome.

Today's film choice is the later.


I'm a huge Lloyd Kaufman and Troma Studios fan. They are the worst of the worst, and yet because of the love and care put into this company and it's movies, fans like myself can't help but fall in love. Horror is a great genre because it plays with extremes. It dares to explore every terrible part of the human condition, even right down the absolute stupid crap.

Troma glorifies the stupid, the sick, and the perverted. And I am glad it does.

I bring up Troma because the film I am reviewing today Atom The Amazing Zombie Killer is made in the style of Troma filmmaking. Might as well call the company Bizjack Flemco Productions a bastard child of Troma Studios. Their film is almost a love letter to Troma, and even features a cameo of the great Shlock Master of film Lloyd Kaufman.

Here, take a gander at this trailer:


So the basic premise is Atom and his pals are trying to be pro-bowlers. They get bullied by these jerks called The Slashers, a rival bowling team. They end up getting banned from the bowling alley, and their dreams of going to the finals in some bowling tourney seem dashed.

Things get weird from here on out, especially after Atom gets hit AGAIN with a bowling trophy, right after his bitch of a girlfriend leaves him to go fuck the head asshole of The Slashers. 

Poor guy. He's having quite the headache.
For a first film it's pretty damn good. The film quality isn't bad and the sound is great. Which isn't something I can say for most first films. While the plot isn't deep and philosophical, it is fun and the dialogue in the film is silly. There are plenty of groan-worthy scenes, like when one of the characters uses a gas pump like he's humping his car with it to turn on some girls he's trying to impress...

Yeah, just let me drop my panties stat on that show of manly prowess. Snicker

There are some pretty funny gore moments in it too. One of my favorites is when they see a movie in the movie (yup, let's get meta folks) called Dr. Chaotica's House of Toxic Zombies. In the film we see a pregnant zombie give birth, and you see all the gory details of it. I was actually kind of impressed they didn’t shy away and showed the baby come right out of the zombie's vagina. She even keeps it attached to her, danging from the umbilical cord as she starts to shamble about! Then she tries to beat people with the baby dangling from between her legs! It's a sick and awesome scene!

There are so many fun characters in this too, including my favorite Areola: The Twilight Temptress of Terror! She is just friggen fabulous! If she was actually on late night TV like the horror hosts of old I would watch the HELL out of her show!

You might also spot a couple little tidbits in it that are shout outs to the horror fans. Mentions of Fangoria, posters of horror movies on walls in certain shots, and more. The fun little hints are really nice touches. The DVD itself is full of extras, with everything from a music video by The Radioactive Chicken Heads (The band that does their opening song) to director commentary. It really does feel like a Troma film that way. Troma DVDs are full of extras, and Troma likes to put posters of their other movies in their films. Bizjack Flemco Productions just likes to go all out in their film too. 

So if you want a fun, gory mess with a zombie killer who isn't exactly killing zombies, then check out this film! I loved the hell out of it! “Let's Rock and Bowl!”
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