Are you ready? Here's some shocking news you need to know about me:
[I'm allergic to cats]
But cats are the worst for me. Mostly because they are evil, manipulative bastards. You can train a dog to fuck off, but a cat? Fat chance. Cats think they rule the world. And they know when you are deathly allergic to them. Trust me, the buggers fucking know! It's like they have a switch that goes off in their furry little heads that tells them, "Oh yeah, this human is ignoring me! She just doesn't know how incredibly beautiful I am! If she did she'd totally be worshiping me like a good human slave! I must teach her a lesson, by inflicting my self upon her until she sneezes green goo from her face into my fur!"
It's why when I read Lovecraft, I can't help but laugh when he goes on that cats are sent to protect us. He and Edward Gorey were brainwashed by the cat legions who wish to enslave us all.
Edward Gorey, hanging with his kitties |
Sorry, but I am just not gonna buy it. Maybe I am supposed to be allergic, to keep me immune to the mind control. So when the cats launch their plan for world domination (if they ever get off their lazy, pampered asses) I can save humanity!
If you are a cat lover reading this, I mean you no disrespect. I'm just a frustrated allergy suffer who really does suffer around cats. It's not a slight discomfort. Not breathing, not sleeping due to suffering all night from symptoms, is not slight discomfort. Not something I can just get over. It is what it is, and I wish more people with pets would be more sympathetic to us allergy sufferers. I know you love your furry beasts but remember...
They are plotting our doom and demanding to be fed.
BAHAHAHAHAHA that was the most funniest and well written blogpost i have read so far!! I'm the opposite I used to be allergic to cats and dogs when i was younger but i jst grew out of it i guess :P
ReplyDeleteIn anycase i was never a huge cat fan i think cas all the ones i ever met in life always tried to attack me with their claws and i almost always left with sum bruises whenever i met one. I mean their are really cute but only from like a far and if they r non-violent! lol
I am a cat lover here but I understand your situation and offer cyber hugs (that are not covered in cat hair like the rest of my life) but I think that maybe -
ReplyDeleteDON'T LISTEN TO ANYTIHNG I JUST SAID! I'VE BROKEN AWAY FOR A MOMENT. OH THE TELEPATHIC TORTURE!!! THEY ARE PLANNING OUR DESTRUCTION! THEY'RE EVIL! EVIL! THEIR SECRET PLAN IS TO-
(Coughing - Hacking - Dies)
scene.
I love cats, but yes they are Evil.
By the way i just mentioned you in my blog post and passed on the "iDig your blog" award to you cas i really do dig your blog do check it out:
ReplyDeletehttp://pixieshorrorgalore.blogspot.com/2011/09/idig-your-blog-award.html
Awww! Thank you so much Pixie! *cyber hugs* I feel like a winner now, and will hug Jessie too, even though Jessie is probably covered in cat hair.
ReplyDeleteAren't you Jessie W. Campbell? HUH? At least you knw you're owned.
*group hugs* At least my suffering is hilarious. ;)
I'm with you Kweeny. It seems every available female out there has a dozen of the vile beasts, so I am forced into a life of alonedness.
ReplyDeleteEven worse than cats in Japan are the dogs they have here. They are nothing but overgrown hamsters who shed a yap a lot.
Anywho, digging your blog, looking forward to see what you'll grace us with for Halloween Countdown.
It's true. I'm like the only women I know without a cat. WTF is up with that?
ReplyDeleteAnd man, those aren't even real dogs. They're like...rat dogs. Abominations. I feel for ya man!
funny!
ReplyDeleteI understand you totally! Last year I finaly got test done and cat's are my worst allergy.
My bf had 3 cat's with one shedding a lot of hair and she never leaves me alone!!she tries to sleep on my head and wants to be petted 7/24.
Also I slept over at some family and they had those stuck carpets and I almost died at night becaus I could not breath, felt like an elephant was standing on my chest ... sucks this kind of heavy allergy
IS it weird that I enjoyed reading this?
ReplyDeleteCats *do* rule the universe...
(d'oh... brainwashing eh? ... better than... other kinds of brainwashing though, :-P)