Are you ready? Here's some shocking news you need to know about me:
[I'm allergic to cats]
But cats are the worst for me. Mostly because they are evil, manipulative bastards. You can train a dog to fuck off, but a cat? Fat chance. Cats think they rule the world. And they know when you are deathly allergic to them. Trust me, the buggers fucking know! It's like they have a switch that goes off in their furry little heads that tells them, "Oh yeah, this human is ignoring me! She just doesn't know how incredibly beautiful I am! If she did she'd totally be worshiping me like a good human slave! I must teach her a lesson, by inflicting my self upon her until she sneezes green goo from her face into my fur!"
It's why when I read Lovecraft, I can't help but laugh when he goes on that cats are sent to protect us. He and Edward Gorey were brainwashed by the cat legions who wish to enslave us all.
|Edward Gorey, hanging with his kitties|
Sorry, but I am just not gonna buy it. Maybe I am supposed to be allergic, to keep me immune to the mind control. So when the cats launch their plan for world domination (if they ever get off their lazy, pampered asses) I can save humanity!
If you are a cat lover reading this, I mean you no disrespect. I'm just a frustrated allergy suffer who really does suffer around cats. It's not a slight discomfort. Not breathing, not sleeping due to suffering all night from symptoms, is not slight discomfort. Not something I can just get over. It is what it is, and I wish more people with pets would be more sympathetic to us allergy sufferers. I know you love your furry beasts but remember...
They are plotting our doom and demanding to be fed.