Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Day 05: Minion of Misery

While this isn't completely Halloween-themed, it is in the spirit of all things dark. So I'm fitting it in the Countdown. I got chosen by the lovely Cherry Neko, so I'd hate to disappoint her. I'll spread the love like spreading peanut butter on my toast. Just for you Cherry Neko. Just for you. Nuts and all.

What does it mean to be chosen as a Minion of Misery? Well I shall enlighten you fine readers.  I gotta tell you my favourite dark book, my favourite dark movie and one dark secret about me, then pick three suckers to be chosen to spread the misery! Huzzah! Trick or Treat kids!

Kweeny's Favourite Dark Book

You'd think this part would be easy for me. But I HATE choosing one thing. It's so restricting, and I just love way too much stuff. My bookshelves are FILLED with books. I know I don't do as many reviews of books as I do movies, but that's because movies are so much fun to make fun of! Gods there are TONS of crappy movies, and it's much easier to watch a crappy movie than waste a few days reading a crappy book. So when I do review books, they tend to not be the lowest common denominator, and thus don't make as fun a review. I find people prefer my vitriolic reviews because I become a hilarious ball of rage and frothing venom.

With that aside, I plan to do more book reviews in the future. Honest. But for now let me pick my favourite dark book OF THE MOMENT, so I don't feel the pressure of ALL TIME...

Let the Right One In was made into an amazing movie, and then remade in America under the title Let Me In. It's a fresh take on the vampire myth, and it's a well written story. The novel was written by Swedish writer John Ajvide Lindqvist, and it tells the tale of this disturbed little boy who meets a very disturbed little girl who happens to be a vampire. The book is very dark, and shows the monstrous side of humanity. It touches on topics such as pedophilia, murder, bullying and how far we'd go to not be alone. It's definitely a book that once you put down, you will be thinking about for days after. And yes, the book is much more detailed than the movies were. While the movies were amazing, the book can take you further into the darkness. To me, this is how vampires should be done. Vampires are monsters. When we try to pretty them up with sparkles and sunlight it doesn't hide the fact they were created from humanities nightmares.

Kweeny's Favourite Dark Movie

Again, I'm choosing my movie of the moment. There is just too much awesome in the world, much to my pleasure. Sometimes a movie comes along and makes up for all the crappy movies out there. I think The Exorcist is one such movie. It's brutal, dark and when I saw "The Version You've Never Seen" with the spiderwalk scene it freaked me the fuck out. Seriously guys. Watch this:



Of course other movies have tried the creepy walk/twisting body thing, but for me, the Exorcist was the first time I ever saw shit like that. I didn't sleep for weeks. And when I saw this, I was a good little Catholic girl. HAHAHA! Oh memories.

Now of course I am obsessed with exorcism movies. I just love them. I can't get enough of them. I suppose there's still a part of me that's afraid something will enter my body and try to take over it, making me do creepy ass shit or something. Maybe it's like watching car accidents. I dunno. I can't explain it, but I totally blame The Exorcist for my love of exorcism movies.

Kweeny's Dark Secret

This is actually the hardest part of the post for me. I don't have many dark secrets. Of course, we all have something, and I am not about to share my entire soul online in a blog. Since I really don't have any dark secrets I feel like sharing, I will tell you some of the things I hate. Since you readers don't know me well, these are going to be news to you. Here is a list of some of the things I hate:

  1. I hate olives. Sorry olive lovers (Like my Bear), I do. Eat my share all you want. I appreciate it. Any foods I dislike you are free to eat for me and I will not be offended. Just ask before you take food off my plate. I will stab you with a fork if I think you are "stealing" my food. 
  2. I hate chick flicks. Even the term CHICK FLICK irritates me. 
  3. I HATE PINK. The reason is quite simple: As a child I was forced into pink dresses to act more FEMALE. I hate that being female needs to be equated to a color. To me, that was a form of imprisonment. Forcing me into a role I didn't ask for or want. So what if I am born female? Doesn't mean it's that simple. I will not wear that color. There was a time baby blue was a female color. Color does not make someone's gender.
  4. I hate ticking noises. Can't even explain this one. I just have since I was a kid. I smashed clocks if I heard them ticking. I hate to hear water drip in a repetitive noise. Drives me fucking bonkers. 
  5. I hate cockroaches. No, scratch that. I AM TERRIBLY PHOBIC of cockroaches. Watching movies like Creepshow make me twitchy, and yes, that scene in Sweeney Todd with the roaches always gets me every time. I even KNOW it's coming and I still shiver. I'm a mighty warrior! RAWR!
And there you have it. To know my hates is to know my dark secrets. Do you feel enlightened or endarkened? Either way, now you know more stupid shit about me.

My three victims are none other than The Real Queen of Horror, Pixie's Horror Galore, and Art by Living Dead Girl Nicole.

Spread the darkness!


Special shout out to the Master of Macabre CLIVE BARKER! Today is is birthday! If you don't know who this man is, he's one of the leading names in horror and fantasy. (And one of my heroes!) You probably have heard of him through the Hellraiser franchise, which I ranted about at length over here. But he's done way more than that. Check out his website here and learn more about him.

Hope you have a great day Clive.  Meeting you was one of the best moments of my life.


  1. Another Minion of Misery! Mwah ha ha!

    There are some clockwork monsters in an episode of Doctor Who that I think might possibly be your worst nightmare, what with the ticking and all.

    I don't like olives or chick flicks either! Or chick lit!

  2. omg it's true! I saw that episode! I would loose my shit if I had those robots around me!


  3. Holy Guacamole, that Exorcist clip both made and ruined my day. Absolutely creepy. The human form moving in inhuman ways ... very disturbing

  4. Now I'm gonna have to read Let the Right One In, because I loved the movie. Didn't even know it was a novel first, which I guess goes to show what I know. :P

  5. That's what I'm here for Phil, to enlighten and entertain!


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