Tuesday, 15 October 2013

DAY 15: Mad Jester Reviews "Sexy" Halloween Costumes

 

Mad Jester reviews 'Sexy' Halloween Costumes
(Or: “Nice Work if you can Get It”)

Well, dearlings, a chill has crept into the air, the leaves are dropping like teens at Camp Crystal Lake, and pumpkins are on sale at the grocery stores, so you know what that means:

It's just about time for Uncle MJ to harvest his special mushrooms.

But apart from that, it also means that Halloween is finally approaching, which also means it's time for various costume suppliers to trot out their yearly selection of 'sexy' costumes for women. Now, personally, I think the sexiest costume a woman can wear is an original idea that displays a sense of humour (or barring that, Velma from Scooby Doo- YOWZA!), but not everyone can be a talented costumer, so there'll always be a demand for ready-made costumes. And so, we come to the point of my ramblings- I've assembled a few standoutish costume images from the Interbutts, and for your reading delectation shall now give my opinion and critique of each, along with a rating in creativity, sexiness and WTFery out of five candy-corn niblets.

Everybody ready? Here we go!

Snow White
 

Well, as sexy costumes go, this is pretty typical- 'sexy' is taken to mean 'low collars, high skirts, midriff bared'. Not that I'm against gratuitous T&A (anybody who's read my previous articles will attest to this), but it just seems so... generic. This costume in particular sends a message, and the message is “I'm willing to live with seven filthy little men in exchange for housework, as long as I'm not exposed to fruit”.

Creativity: 1/5 niblets
Sexiness: 2/5 niblets (any sexiness is, for me, mitigated by the generic nature of the costume)
WTFery: 1/5 niblets (pretty standard fare

Supergirl

As a comics nerd, this one upsets me a little. See, it's not like the actual, canonical Supergirl costume isn't sexy- she wears a skintight top (either blue with long sleeves, or a white T-shirt) with midriff usually exposed, short skirt, cute little capelet and kickass knee-high red boots. Supergirl lacks not in the sexy department- so why the makers of this costume decided that more material had to be removed from it is somewhat beyond me. Again, not knocking gratuitous T&A, but there's gratuitous, and then there's tacked-on, and for me this fish jumps squarely into the latter boat.

Creativity: 1/5 niblets (DC Comics would like a word...)
Sexiness 2.5/5 niblets (not bad, but pretty meh)
WTFery: 2/5 niblets (again, why not go with the perfectly-sexy original?)

'Indian' Princess

Wow. WOW. We're still doing this shit?
Well, I suppose there's a market for people who want their costumes served up racist with a side-order of cultural inaccuracy, but I honestly don't know anyone who would wear this. I'm choosing to believe that this market is necessarily small (and not particularly vocal, like the way your aunt won't get into her racist mutterings at the dinner table until she's got a second glass of wine in her), so I'm not sure who decided to greenlight this... idea.
If there's any justice, (s)he gets to reenact Poltergeist this Halloween.

Creativity: 2/5 niblets (it takes some doing to create a costume more insulting to Native Americans than the way they've been treated so far)
Sexiness: 1/5 niblets (the costume itself isn't bad, but the implications bleed away any sexual cachet it might possess)
WTFery: 3.5/5 (I don't believe this requires further explanation)

Real Estate Agent

Hrmm. Interesting. I can honestly say I haven't encountered this idea before. I mean, in the world of fetishized professions, 'real estate agent' probably ranks somewhere between 'school board comptroller' and 'Antarctic researcher', so the fact that someone decided to make a sexy costume of such is actually kind of refreshing, to me. Seems a pretty simple costume to make, if one were so inclined- blazer, short skirt, hair up, pearls optional- so why one would spend money on it is beyond me; then again, some people just want to pick their costume up, put it on, roll to the party and get their keys in the fishbowl with a minimum of hassle, I guess.

Creativity: 2.5/5 niblets (again, somewhat obscure costume idea)
Sexiness: 3/5 niblets (tastefully understated, for a sexy Halloween costume)
WTFery: 3/5 niblets (you may end up spending the night explaining what the Hell you are)

Mario/Maria
photo credit  www.yandy.com.

Okay, I like this one. It doesn't display a whole lot of creativity (Mario's only slightly behind Mickey Mouse in terms of recognizability), but it's well-executed and, in my opinion, sexy without being too terribly revealing. Of course, it must also be said that I have a thing for girls dressed as licensed video game characters (my FB feed is full of cosplayer pages), and Mario has always been one of my favourite characters, so perhaps I'm being biased here. However, it's my article, so neener-neener-neener.

Creativity:1/5
Sexiness: 4/5
WTFery: 1/5 (pretty tame and non-controversial)

Pizza
photo credit  www.yandy.com.
Now, I believe we've all, at one point or another in our lives, been so hungry that the sight of a piping-hot deep-dish pizza has brought on a sensation not unlike sexual arousal. (Of course, not all of us allow this sensation to get us banned from Pizza Hut- again, I'd like to apologize to the Yeung family for ruining little Mike's 8th birthday dinner.) Still, this is an unconventional idea, while being tastefully (pun intended) sexy, and despite the oddity of the subject I can't help but admire the girl who's willing to stand out by dressing up as lunch. (Insert obligatory joke here about 'getting eaten'.)

Creativity: 3/5 niblets
Sexiness: 2.5/5 niblets
WTFery: 3/5 niblets (sexy food!)

Mrs. Potato Head

Another unconventional idea, although association with toddler-toys doesn't exactly help on the sexiness score. The dun-brown colour, the uninspired facial expression... this one doesn't do a whole lot for me. I can't think of many women who'd look good in this; mind you, the entire costume would be completely redeemed in my eyes if the facial parts of the dress were modular, like an actual Potato-Head doll, and affixed with Velcro- then it becomes two parts costume and one part party game! Alas, I do not believe this is the case- but a man can dream...

Creativity: 3/5 niblets
Sexiness: 1.5/5 niblets (again, docking niblets for toddler associations)
WTFery: 3/5 niblets (WHERE'S MY MODULAR FACE PARTS?)

Mad Hatter

Here's another one I rather like. This is probably due to the facts that a) it's Alice in Wonderland-themed, which I dig, b) it references madness, which speaks to me on a personal level (can't for the life of me think why), and c) the top is made to look like a bodice, and bodices are YUMMY. ahem Anyway, this isn't exceptionally creative, and doesn't leave scads to the imagination, but I must say I find it rather appealing regardless.

Creativity: 1/5 niblets
Sexiness: 4/5 niblets
WTFery: 1.5/5 niblets

Skunk

It takes a certain degree of confidence to walk into a party, head held high, dressed as a creature who smells so revolting that it literally makes one's eyes water. Fortunately, this is the same degree of confidence that lets a woman walk in in a skimpy costume and completely own it. The costume itself is pretty cute- black looks good on everyone, I like the boots, the cut is pretty nice... and DAT TAIL. If I see a woman at a Halloween party in this costume, she will need Mace to keep me from snuggling that fuzzy tail all night.

Creativity: 2.5/5 niblets
Sexiness: 3.5/5 niblets overall, 4.5/5 for DAT TAIL
WTFery: 2.5/5 niblets (you're still dressed as a musky mustelid)

Bert & Ernie
photo credit  www.yandy.com.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Creativity: AAAAAAAAAAAA
Sexiness: AAAAAAAAAAAA

WTFery: 6.7/5 (AAAAAAAAAAAA)

14 comments:

  1. I love this post. I can't tell you how irritated I am to constantly see "sexified" halloween costumes. Some of them are so ridiculous. The worst ones are the ones for little girls!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As I said, I don't mind a bit of cheesecake, so to speak, but it's entirely possible for a costume to be attractive without showing off tons of skin. Like I said, the sexiest costumes are the ones that show creativity and humour.

      And little girls' costumes have NO business being sexy! Let the little ones be either cute, creepy or both- but leave the sex appeal for when they're old enough to understand what they're doing.

      Delete
  2. Great list of cosplay costumes. My favorite is when women wear the Alex DeLarge costume from "A Clockwork Orange". Those tight white pants and small shirts always makes me want to perform a little of the old in out in out on them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well said, my droogie! Suspenders and bowler hats, too- plus the implication of a bit of the old ultraviolence... mmm. :D

      Delete
  3. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (*breathe... breathe*) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

    ReplyDelete
  4. Mario, yes, Mad Hatter, yes, Bert and Ernie, WTF? They forgot the grumpy men, Statler and Waldorf... :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Much as I love the Balcony Trolls, they'd make a costume about as sexy as Bert & Ernie. *involuntary shudder*

      When will mankind realize that the only sexy Muppet is Sweetums?

      Delete
    2. Oh god yes. Sweetums!! I would just go Miss Piggy, Pretty easy.. :D But yeah, I don't get the whole "sexy" point in outfits, don't folk walk about with their arses n tits hangin out enough?.. :D

      Delete
  5. Once again, an excellent review my friend. Quite the selection of costumes for those too weary or lazy to make one on their own ... but at the same time, some new additions coming from the video game world is interesting to see.

    While still wrong, the "Indian Princess" might have been an attempt to make a sexy Pochahontas costume without the copyright infringement?

    Also ... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
    Even Akuma wouldn't hit that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Also boo on you Blogspot ... tell me to log in with my Google credentials and then call me "Unknown"

      Then I update my profile and still say I'm unknown.

      Boo! Boo Blogspot! Boo!

      Delete
    2. Boo-urns indeed on Blogspot for their fuckhattery.

      Thanks for the kind words, homey- I'm always so bloody insecure about how they'll be received. But yeah, it's entirely likely they were going for Public Domain Pocahontas, but even so it's pretty scuzzy- the movie itself was pretty exploitative. The true story does NOT have a happy ending, nor was John Smith the friendly honky he's portrayed to be.

      Delete
  6. Some of those are just plain weird. I did a similar post, on the "sexy" versions of villain costumes. I don't get it, either.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I was browsing about Halloween costume ideas and I found your blog which is quite interesting. I do hope it's okay with you if I pin them on my Pinterest board. Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete

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