KWEENY REVIEWS...PHOBIA!

Phobia (2014)

REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS AND MADNESS! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!

Today I got around to watching Phobia, a film by Quiet Box Productions. I found the trailer rather intriguing, and I really do love stories about people's decent into mental illness. Prefect viewing material for the holiday season, don't you think?

*kicks a door that rattles behind her* Hey! I told you to keep it down in there Sweeney! Your singing is driving me batty! I'm trying to do a review! Demons, I tell yeah...

*coughs* What was I saying again? Right, I like movies about crazy people!

Phobia is a strange movie, with some very interesting themes and scenes. There is some stuff to it I found rather jarring or didn't like, like the whimsical sounding song choice for the beginning and end credits. It just sounded too upbeat for such a dark film with subject matter like mental illness. But maybe that's the point. Sometimes things don't make sense when your crazy. There were a few other problems I had with the film but I will get to those soon.

For the most part, I enjoyed it. The story is of a grieving man with agoraphobia who has been trapped in house for over a year, and slowly, things go from bad to worse. He's on some heavy duty medications, so it's no wonder that the guy slowly slips into hallucinations and other weirdness. Not many folks visit him either. He has his doctor come and check on him, a friend named Taylor, and a lady who is paid to bring him his groceries, Bree. Other folks that show up are just delusions in his head. At points he thinks he sees a spooky wraith of a woman (who grows spider legs out of her back at one point), a strange man with veins all over his body and his dead wife, who comes in many forms. One covered in blood with scars from her autopsy.

Needless to say our main character Johnathan, has issues.

What I was really impressed with was the camera work and acting. Johnathan, played by Michael Jefferson, is brilliant and steals the show. Of course the main focus is on him, seeing as he is trapped in his head and inside his house, but still. The guy has acting chops. He convinced me he was suffering, and I am a recovering agoraphobic. After my mother's suicide in 2002, I locked myself away for a year or so. When you are agoraphobic, you think the only safe place is inside because you can control the inside world. Johnathan captured that pretty well I'd say, but his mental illness goes beyond that. He starts seeing shit, doing weird shit, the whole bit. I loved his character, and he really makes this story work.

Some of the shots and scenes in the movie are actually really well done too. Others, seemed like they dragged too long, but still were framed beautifully. The use of shadows and lighting really made things feel confined at times and stuffy, which helped add to the atmosphere. Sadly I don't think the poster actually represents what this film is about, as there is only one scene that has anything to do with spiders in it and looks nothing like this. And some of the scenes were really slow. They could have been cut down or taken out completely and the film would be great. While I wouldn't say this film was prefect, as I found the ending a little heavy handed (not on Johnathan's part, but after...You'll see if you watch it), I do think overall it was a pretty solid film. This is the first feature film of Director Rory Abel.

Give Phobia a shot, but just remember, we all die. 

The Resurgence of the Fanged Monster: Vamps With Bite

If you've been following my blog for a while then you know I am a huge supporter of monsters being monstrous. I understand the allure of a vampire being seductive and charming. I get it. I grew up with Anne Rice and had my fang banger phase. Who doesn't want to be bitten by Lestat right?

But when things like Sparkly Vampires came out the horror community rolled their collective eyeballs and turned away from vampires. Because those were not the vamps we knew. Even Lestat with all his velvet finery was still a monster. Part of his greatness was how he could woo us and then turn on us at a moment's notice. Stephanie Meyer gave us Edward who was a de-fanged creature. We vampire lovers thought our beloved creature of the night was never going to be taken seriously again, and was no longer able to disturb and unsettle us like before.

But thankfully, vampires still have hope. They have had a resurgence, almost in rebellion, against their sparkle counterparts, reminding people that vampires are MONSTERS. I think that Bela's birth was probably the closest thing to horror the Twilight series ever got. And I'm trying to be generous by saying that. It was a pretty terrible childbirth scene...

Well vampire fans, fear not. For I have complied a list of excellent vampire movies that have come out in the last few years that will give you a craving for blood again.  Some of these I am anticipating to be good, from all I've read about them, and I know there are a few more out there being worked on not on this list. It's good to see the fangs mean something with vampires again. Gotta support the monsters we love right?

VAMPS WITH BITE:

Midnight Son

This is an interesting take on the vampire myth. The characters and story are so original that it makes it hard to turn away from the screen. The two main characters are both struggling in different ways with conditions that are tearing them apart, and so they can find love and compassion in each other. One just happens to be a drug addict and the other...

Kiss Of The Damned

This one is a sexy, stylish movie that reminds me a lot of old vampire flicks. The old Dracula films where looks were everything, and the blood ran rich and red. It feels a lot like the 1970's vampire B films, and that is a big step away from sparkle vamps. The vampire's in Kiss of the Damned are not to be trifled with though. While they are beautiful, they are vicious, and hunt like wild dogs. 

Byzantium

If you haven't heard of this gem, you're in for a treat. It's a intense and powerful story of a mother and daughter trying to settle down and live normal lives, but they are being hunted because they are female vampires. In this story, female vampires are forbidden. It is a tragic tale that shows the loneliness of being a vampire and remembering a past you'd like to forget.

Only Lovers Left Alive

One of the favorite vampire films (so far). There is so much going for this film. Excellent plot, great acting, beautiful symbolism and depth. Watching the way all the vampires in this film interact with each other is stunning. This one is a slow build, but worth it as things unravel in their cycles. I would highly recommend it for a more deeper portrayal of vampires, especially with how the main couple interact with each other. They prove that love can stand the test of time.

Movies I Can't Wait To See:

Chimères

This one looks to be an intense look at what happens when you go to Romania and your blood transfusion is full of "strange" blood. I love the premise and from the trailer it looks to be terrifying!

What We Do In The Shadows

This movie looks to be a fun mockumentary about vampires, but I have heard good things about it and am eager to see it. There is nothing sensual about these vamps. This movie will bring a lighter mood to all the vampire films listed here, but it won't de-fang the vampire. 

Genre Talk: CHILDHOOD FEARS

After watching the first episode of American Horror Story: Freakshow and seeing how some of my friends reacted to the clown in the show, it got me thinking. I'm also doing a marathon of horror movies at the moment that deal with things like killer dolls, evil robots and other beings that were never meant to be alive, so all this is kind of mingling in my brain and making me contemplate what makes these things scary to some folks.

Because to me, they do nothing.

I don't see why they are scary. My theory from an outsider perspective is because they take something that should be innocent, something that is never meant to be tampered with, and twists it against humanity. It is a corruption of childhood. When it comes to things like clowns and dolls especially, these are meant to be things that charm children and comfort them. That was their original purpose for existing, and why sometimes some adults (like myself) like collecting dolls and clowns. Clowns especially are meant to be harmless, and are there to amuse and fascinate children. Dolls are meant to be companions, something to teach children to care for something outside themselves.

Perhaps it's just the whole Uncanny Valley thing. The way dolls, masks and clowns seem so close visually to normal humans, but there is something just...off about them. They aren't us. But they try to mimic us.

I personally don't actually see why these things are scary. I find them interesting and fascinating, just like I find masks symbolically intriguing. Masks can actually unnerve me though if they use it in just the right way, but dolls and clowns have never really frightened me. I like watching them try though. I laugh at their antics, and at best find them charming. Yes, I find IT charming. Even when he's creepy as fuck. Maybe I'm just drawn to the Uncanny Valley and wanna move in there.

The things that tend to freak me out aren't creatures. I find a little of myself in monsters and inhuman creatures. For me, fear doesn't tend to be things outside of the human experience. The unknown tends to draw me rather than repel me. But humanity at it's worst, now that triggers me. People being horrible to each other is much more convincing than an evil clown. The person under the clown is more frightening than the clown itself. Or cockroaches. I hate those fucking things. I figure a fear of clowns is akin to my fear of cockroaches, and I can get real irrationally violent and want to set the house on fire to make sure the fuckers die a horrible, screeching death. It's a primal fear. A phobia I have had since childhood. So if someone also carried a fear of dolls or clowns with the same lizard brain phobia, then I could see how watching something like Child's Play might be a bit much for them.

Horror is wonderful because it makes us face our fears, and sometimes, we can test our boundaries to see if we can overcome it, or be consumed by it. I still hate roaches, but I can deal with pictures of them better because I sometimes see them in films. Just don't put a real one in front of me. I might go all Firestarter and burn the house down with my mind.

Kweeny Reviews: ANNABELLE

So as part of my visit to Portland and to help my fellow MADNESS participant Nikki get some extra points to her score, we went and saw the new creepy doll movie ANNABELLE. We had a great time, despite some really annoying kids that decided to sneak in to the movie and decided to talk throughout the film, ( I mean WHO DOES THAT? You sneak into a film and TALK? That won't get you caught at all teens!) and we even got free tickets after we complained to the manager about them.

KWEENY REVIEWS ANNABELLE 

MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS! 

Now, let's get to the nitty gritty of the film shall we? While I did enjoy it, I wouldn't say it was a new and revolutionary take on the creepy doll trope. They did however do some good things, while also doing some extremely cheesy things that we as the audience were meant to take seriously. Sometimes I wish film makers would understand we aren't stupid, and we would like to be taken seriously while watching their films.

So the story is kind of mediocre as far as creepy doll things are concerned. There is a couple who is all catholic and happy, the wife is preggers and ready to pop anyday. She watches on TV a news program going on about Charles Manson and Helter Skelter, so that way we won't be CONFUSED when an evil cult breaks into the house and fucks with the family.

All the typical "occult" tropes are here. The crazy couple who break in and nearly kill the wife then get killed are Satanic, and of course the doll is now possessed with a demon that wants souls. NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE.

The actors aren't exceptionally intriguing, the plot is bland, but what is good is how things are shot and the neat tricks they do with the doll. Since throughout the film we are told the doll is a conduit, which means the demon possessing it doesn't make it really come alive per say. It uses the doll to mentally fuck with the mother. There are some really awesome moments where you think they are going to do one creepy doll trope, but instead do something completely different. I liked that, and actually jumped at a few scenes. Jump scares usually piss me off, but the way they did these ones was neat so I let it slide.

They of course did the trope of the wise old lady who just happened to have a bookstore with occult books and was willing to help the mother. I wish they didn't make things so formulaic, because there was so many great scenes with neat scares that didn't make the doll do stereotypical evil doll things. The movie wasn't great, but it had some potential and some really interesting moments I wish were more fleshed out or explored.

Ultimately I think Annabelle was fun, but lazily done. They could have put more effort into things, instead of focusing so much on special effects. It's a movie made up of cool freaky moments, but not really much else interesting to talk about.

We still had a good time, and got a free movie thanks to talking teens, so I'm glad I went. I just think the real story of Annabelle is much more creepier than the movie it's based on.

NEEDFUL THINGS: World Market's Awesome Halloween Shit

WELCOME TO OCTOBER FELLOW HALLOWEEN/HORROR FANS!

My favorite time of year. The smell of pumpkin spice everything fills the air, the HALLOWEEN HORROR MOVIE MARATHON MADNESS begins, and my team is gonna kill it this year!

Can you guess where this doll is from?

If you're not quite up on things, I'm a judge again for the awesome Halloween Horror Movie Marathon game I have been doing for three years now. This year our theme is...

And I'm pretty stoked for it. My team is mostly made up of Pacific Northwesterners, which is kinda neat. We are hoping to meet up at some point and watch some films together, if the stars align just right.

There are so many awesome reasons why October is great, and one in particular is the fact that almost everywhere has horror/Halloween goodies in their stores. It's so beautiful, but makes me cry because I am pretty darn broke this year.

Every year this happens...I never have enough money. But I have eyeballs, and when they fall upon pretty things I wish I could afford to purchase, I masochistically stalk those objects online until I cry in a pool of financial ruin.

I'd love to say, "SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY," but there are other sources already doing that.

And before that happens...I drink in the glorious beauty of all the awesome things Halloween has to offer. Because no other time of year can you find such awesome things for any happy horror lover. No other time of year is our love for the dark and creepy embraced by mainstream society. I wish all year was like this, but then again, this holiday wouldn't have any magic left if it was.

So speaking of drool-worthy crap you don't need to survive the zombie apocalypse but while you wait, it will entertain you, I found this awesome collection of Frankenstein's Monster and his Bride plates and trays. World Market has all sorts of amazing Halloween-themed things out this time of year, and there are napkins and such that go with the plates. But ultimately, I love the plates the best. 

Now if you know anything about me, you know my husband and I did a couples costume of these two iconic characters a few years back for Halloween. People LOVED our costumes, and we have grown all the more attached to these two characters. For a refresher, here's a picture:

So yeah, I am just lusting over these plates. I think if I could afford to buy them they would be reminders of my marriage. The Bride and Monster are such a beautifully tragic couple. I am a huge fan of Mary Shelly's Frankenstein, and while I know the Bride was an add-on by Universal Studios, I still love them. I would love to see a novel adaptation that is more loyal to the book than we currently have on the market in film, but I can still love and appreciate the charm of the black and white versions.

In summary, these plates are awesome and my husband makes an awesome Monster.