Kweeny Reviews The Series...

I am sure by now to any of the frequent followers of my blog, that I adore American Horror Story. So far as a whole, the series has proven to be the most unique, visceral, and risk-taking pieces of horror TV going. I would even put it above things like The Walking Dead and Hemlock Grove for the way it tackles subversive topics, while it tells a great story. And not just one story. Usually each season has multiple stories within one frame work, making it like an anthology. 

Sure I love the actors in the show, and I love how they keep repeating throughout seasons. It’s nice to see familiar and talented people keep coming back, even as new folks get added. I love how they always have interesting places to take you to, like The Murder House, Briarcliff and New Orleans. And these places feel alive. They feel vibrant and atmospheric. I love how the characters are interesting and rich with personality, making me want to know more about them and missing them when the season ends. These things I adore about the show. I even adore the musical selections they've had throughout the series, with first season having soundtrack blurbs from movies you've seen if you are a die-hard horror fan and listen closely.

And they have friggen AWESOME promo images!

But the best part of the show for me is the stories.

For a person like me who adores well done storytelling, this series is what I've been wanting. While I have been pleased with a lot of TV coming out that gives us horror fans something to sink our fangs into, American Horror Story is a series I have wanted above all the others. It has so much good stirred into the pot that I am never bored when I watch it. Even when I can’t quite buy a story they are telling, I still enjoy myself. I still want to keep watching.

Now I won’t say it is a prefect series. Very few ever attain perfection. I mean, I think the weakest season for me had to be second season, and it is disappointing because I love the setting! An asylum is a great place to have an American Horror Story play out. It’s such a fertile field for terrible stories of malpractice, torture, and real abuse people suffered in those places. These things are touched on, which is one of a few reasons I don’t hate the season, but they took a risk and tried to tell a tale of aliens. While I get what they were attempting to do, reminding us of some of the real fears people had in the time period of the show (Back in the 70’s aliens were a scary thing), it wasn't told as well as the other mini stories being told. I loved the Bloody Face saga, and I loved Sister Jude’s terrible story. I even loved the crazy Nazi doctor and his Frankenstein-like experiments. But the aliens just didn't work for me. It is the weakest story, and makes the season fall flat.

The first season however, was awesome. Not my favorite, but that’s because even though Coven isn't finished its season, it blows my mind. It’s the best yet. The Murder House is a good season though. It has so much going for it with the eclectic mini stories, and a lot of them are so subversive, touching on topics that feel real and not made out for pure shock value. And I've noticed that each season seems to have some hat tip to the book Frankenstein. Have you noticed it? Dr. Charles Montgomery is a nod at Dr. Frankenstein. Dr. Arthur Arden is another. And Kyle Spencer is The Monster. Of course one of my favorite books of all time is Frankenstein, so I can see what they love about it.

With all this and more, I keep coming back to American Horror Story, and this season with Coven they have figured out the perfect spell. Everything works. The world is consistent within itself, the characters are unique and are preformed awesomely by the actors, there is drama, magic and horror all wrapped up in a voodoo doll full of pins. Each character in the series is beautiful and flawed, lovable and sickening, something they've cultivated since the first season. I’m in supreme love with this season. I can’t wait to see how things turn out. 

Kweeny Reviews...

The Entire Hellraiser Franchise: What's Your Pleasure?

(May contain spoilers, in case you care)

Oh yes dear readers, I am gonna do it. I am rolling up my black-clad sleeves and sticking my hands in the pin-filled goo that is the Hellraiser Franchise. And I wish I had completely wonderful things to say about it. I sincerely do, as I am a fan of Clive Barker and the concept of the franchise.

Now when I say I am going to talk about the ENTIRE franchise I mean it. I'm talking books to movies to comics, etc. I'm gonna skim it a little, so you're not reading forever. Not all of the franchise is bad stuff. Most of the shit-demons in my opinion have come out of the movies. Abominations that never should have seen the light of day, or had film wasted on their production. Movies I am glad I never wasted money on viewing, just precious hours of my life I can never get back...

So let's start there shall we?

Ah Hellraiser. When I think of you I take a trip down memory lane, where I was 13 and watched the first one at my step mom's house. I'm curled up under blankets, staying up way past my bedtime (some things never change. Instead now I am staying up past my bedtime blogging!) and I am wide-eyed at the creatures presented on screen. Beings that seemed carved from the bowels of my darkest nightmares. Monsters I was both horrified by and intently curious over. I didn't sleep for three nights after watching it, because it spoke so deeply to something terrible and profound in my psyche. And being the crazy bitch I am, I can't help but go back and touch the stove element, because damn it, I had to figure out why it scared me so.

The movie just made the book all the more real to me. I read the book at 10. I was one of those dorky, creepy kids who whenever possible hid in libraries until they closed. My home life wasn't great, so libraries were my sanctuary. I remember being completely disturbed by the book, and having to re-read the little novella over again to try and make sense of what I read. Clive Barker was speaking to me. Like somehow he knew some of my deepest fears. I was very much Catholic still at this time, and I had a profound fear of heaven and hell. 

Yup I feared both. That's just how I roll.

I could go on and tell you in depth about why it scared/interested me so but I don't have time. The spirituality in the world of Hellraiser is dark and profound. But I'm doing the whole-freaking-load. And when you squirt a load that big you need to make sure everyone understands the key points in a short amount of time. Suffice it to say, I loved the mythology of it. Most fans to. Most fans love the mythos of it all. Some of the best fiction I have read in tribute is from fans. (other than from the master himself of course.) Writing is where the cenobites and the puzzle box really shine and make sense. Comics as well. I think one of the biggest mistakes Clive Barker did was give up control of his creation.

The first Hellraiser for it's time is awesome. The effects were top notch (The scene when Frank comes up from the floor is still cool to watch today), and the cenobites were more than just stupid demons who kill people. The story is more what matters in the series, and some complain that the characters are unlikable. Even Christy. And you know what, THEY ARE in my opinion. That's the point. People are always being douche-nozzles. And some people are REALLY douche-nozzles. Everyone has their secrets. Everyone has their shit. Clive just wasn't afraid to show the ugliness in people. I know some people don't get it, and it's because they aren't true fans. True fans understand the draw to the series. True fans seek the mythology out, because it is fucking fascinating. It's a living thing, being added on to as time goes on. Lovecraft did a similar thing. Made his creatures larger than life and godly, and now there are cults that have sprung out around Lovecrafts mythos. Clive Barker has a similar following. It doesn't make sense to some people, but ideas are powerful. Ideas can take root in your brain like a virus, and spread until they are living beings. 

Now in no way am I saying Hellraiser is Clive Barkers best work, or that I am part of a Hellraiser cult. I just love it for bringing me to him. I have read tons of his work and he's inspired me and several writers I know because he was and still is a boundary-pusher. His work, be it writing, movies, or art, is all about pushing the edge and seeing what's past it. And I will love him forever for it.

Anyhow, so my favourite of the films is the first one. No doubt. The second, Hellbound, well...it had a weak ending in my opinion, but it helped open up the mythos of the puzzle box. It had interesting ideas, like Leviathan, Pinheads creation, and so on. But the story is a bit hard to follow at times. I mean some of the cenobites are killed off, like Pinhead, but it's never really explained why he just comes back in the squeals like nothing happened. This movie was still 80's level effects and now when you watch it it's kinda funny at times. The corridor monster cracks me up, because it's just so cheesy looking! But I forgive it easier than the other movies that follow. Sadly, it just goes down hill from here.

Srsly? I dunno what this thing is.

Like for example, Hellraiser 3. Clive is now gone, no longer helping with production or anything movie-wise, and it shows. Everything is terrible about this. The effects are lame (A cenobite with a C.D in his head? REALLY GUYS?) the story is weak, and the only thing that really shines in this movie is Doug Bradley's performance as Pinhead. I don't feel Pinhead was meant to be a major cenobite leader until the second one was made, because when I read the book there were just these scary, supernatural beings who straddled the line of heaven and hell. Who were explorers and seekers wishing to blur the line of pain and pleasure. They were kinda S/M but beyond that even.

But I still can't get over the terrible effects that produced the Hell on Earth cenobites. Like seriously, they are so stupid it's not even laughable! This one here looks more like a Borg than a cenobite:

And before I can wash the taste of turds from my mouth we move on to the forth movie Bloodlines. Ah Bloodlines, so much potential! This one was almost good! No really, I mean that! I loved the whole history of the puzzle box part. And I know I'm not the only one. There are sites dedicated to the history of the Lament Configuration. Here's one: http://www.pyramid-gallery.com/ This site is so well done it could be real! I'm telling you, there's a cult following for a reason!

HOWEVER, this 4th heaping pile of dung is shit because of the space crap half-assedly put together at the beginning and end. It totally ruins the rest of the story for me. Of course we don't have enough cenobites, and so we are introduced to a few more, one being the "princess of the bunch":

So close to being good. And yet...Pinhead in space. Just as bad as Jason X. Anything IN SPACE doesn't automatically mean it's good.

Moving on to more tripe...

Next we have Hellraiser Inferno. Anyone actually watch this movie other than me? I mean, I dunno why at this point I kept watching them but I was hoping, just hoping, it would somehow magically go back to making me feel like that little kid I was long ago. We get attached to our monsters don't we? We love one franchise more than others and keep watching the drivel they shovel at us in hopes it will get better... Even if it never does. Freddy was like that. So was Jason and Mike Myers. I loved them all for different reasons, but for me, Hellraiser was my big bag. 

So anyhow, if you need a reason why this movie was so terrible I have these words for you: Direct-To-Video. Yeah, that's right. The best and slightly disturbing scene in the movie is this one with the two cenobites, because it's sudo-sexual. 

Bad touch! Bad touch!

Moving on...

We got Hellseeker. What-the-fuck-EVER.  This one they TRY to connect to the other movies by bringing Christy back. Somehow the fucked up bitch got married, and so we get all this crap about her and hubby in an accident and he's a sleaze who just wants her money and cheats on her. Blah blah blah! 

Tired of the meat hooks yet? Too bad we got more where that came from!

At this point I am so exhausted with the franchise movie-wise I could cry. Something that had such potential, that sparked many a nightmare and inspired me to be a writer (and I mean the book here folks, the written word will rarely ever be trumped by movies) has been butchered to death by the very meat hooks it used to kill people with. And the slaughter isn't over...

Because next we have Deader. Oh joy. Couldn't think of a better name huh guys? At this point Pinhead and his cronies are just glorified, immortal serial killers. They try to bring us back to the descendant story touched on in Bloodlines, but I just don't care anymore. Another stupid bitch tries to be Christy. She opens the box and fights for her soul. Yada yada. Direct-to-Video. 

Latest, most boring waste of time is more like it!

And the show goes on with the next installment Hellworld. UGH. This one doesn't even try. It's just a game right? So who cares if the acting is shit, or the story is shit, or if it's just an excuse to have a Hellraiser themed orgy party on screen! It's like they gave a fanboy a camera and said, "Shoot your dream Hellraiser experience! No one is gonna watch it anyhow!" And this is what we were given. Don't get me wrong, I love sex. But Clive's work isn't as much about people having sex as it is about the way humanity twists sex. PEOPLE ARE MISSING THE POINT WHEN THEY JUST TOSS SEX IN WITHOUT A REASON. And worst yet, an actor I really like is in it (other than poor Doug Bradley, who keeps getting dragged back into these movies):

Oh Lance Henrickson. You must needed the work badly!

When Pinhead in Hellworld says, "This is only the beginning." All I can think to myself is, "Really? Shit I was hoping this was almost over! Damn it there's more?"

Of course there's more! Lastly, we have Revelations. I have yet to see this one I am afraid. (That's probably a blessing!) So I cannot comment too deeply on it. I'll write something up later when I finally do. But I will say this much, it doesn't have Doug Bradley in it. Just some new guy. Which I have mixed feelings about. A part of me wonders if Doug is relieved to no longer be doing such crappy movies. A part of me wonders if this could even be worth wasting my time on if he's not in it. Mind you, Pinhead is seen less and less as the series progresses, probably because the stories are too shitty to have them center around such an awesome monster, and probably because they degraded him to a one trick pony. I dunno for sure. I'll let you know when I watch it.

Okay, I need to go wash my mouth from the taste of crap before I continue. I need some Mountain Dew...

There we go! I feel better! I love American Mountain Dew. It's better than Canada's because it's got caffeine. You people love your caffeine and I love you for it!

Moving on...

So I promised you some hope right? That not everything sucks about the Hellraiser world? Well I meant it. Not only is there the original novella, there is a collection of short stories called Hellbound Hearts with contributions by Clive Barker AND Neil Gaiman, among other great writers. Hell YES! With a beautiful cover done by Clive himself:

And if you want more awesome Hellraiser stuff, I suggest getting your hands on copies of the comics! They are absolutely amazing. The stories are great, the artwork is great, and it makes you remember the old times, when the mysticism moved you. When the cenobites where more than just serial killers, when there was a message and it shook you in your core. When the hooks MATTERED. Here's some comic artwork I scraped up from the internet.

The first few are from Hellraiser: Masterpieces:

And this is the cover for the new Hellraiser comics:

And if that isn't enough to convince you, Clive is generous enough to post this preview on his site!

Yummy. Makes me feel almost as good as this Mountain Dew in my mouth makes me feel. *sighs happily* I know there are many more comics out there but I'm sure you can find them on your own. My mind is degenerating into mush after having to go through HELL like that. But I hope I at least entertained you a bit, and maybe gave you some new places to get a real good Pinhead fix. And trust me, visit the Pyramid Gallery's site. It's totally awesome Puzzle Box goodness.

AND before I go, since only two people dared to give me a pirate name on my Talk Like A Pirate Day post, I will draw BOTH OF YOU as Pirates! Now we are all winners! Well, if you consider crayon scribbles winning something. I do draw like a two year old. If you have pictures I can use as reference please link me to make my job easier! Though I do love you Justine, so thanks for your comment on the music. I love all my comments, and readers! Even if I show it in strange ways.

Kweeny Reviews...

The Entire Saw Saga: Make Your Choice

WARNING: May contain some spoilers for those who haven’t seen all the films

Yup, I'm crazy. I'm going to post this next review/overview about the entire Saw series, right up to the recent 3D movie. Why would I waste some of my Sat doing this? Because I can my readers. And I bring the madness to you.

The Saw series has become a cult phenomenon over the recent years, starting with the first movie in 2004.  Since then, there have been 7 moves to date, with other forms of media perpetuating the franchise. Like for instance, a Saw video game. From what I hear it sucked, but I haven't played it myself. So I won't knock it until I try it. Unlike so many serial killer-slasher type movies, this series has its own unique flavour it brings to viewing audiences. Some have called it Torture Porn, a label given to a sub genre of extremely violent films that have come out in the recent years. Some might say Saw was the first to have that label stamped unceremoniously on them.

But I’m here to tell you, I have seen the way of Jigsaw, and it’s more than just gore and guts. I see what he sees. Partly because I like puzzles, but mostly because he's got a fucking point. Most people, need a bitch-slap in this world to wake them up. Sadly, only in the movies, and horror movies more often than not, do we ever see people getting there comeuppance for doing shitty things to each other. 

Sure, I’ll be the first to tell you it is a very gory, brutal series. And if you don’t have the stomach I do, you will not be able to sit through it to see the layers. I did an entire marathon of this series with my friend, then re-watched it with my husband who hadn't seen it. That's how much I love the series. Because it’s not Halloween or Friday the 13^th level violence. While they are also fun movies and have left a mark on my childhood (Halloween being my first taste of horror and the reason I am the freak I have become) Saw goes one step further. The deadly, ingenious devices these victims get strapped into will and do kill people. And you see it in grisly detail. Part of the point is you see it.

Even I was under the impression that Saw was all about the killing when I first sat down to watch the films. I was so wrong. The label it’s been given of Torture Porn leads people to believe there is nothing else to the series. Just a bunch of mindless killing and neat traps. Some have criticized that it’s just about getting off on people’s misery and nothing else. And I have seen many movies that have been also classified as Torture Porn, like for example Hostel and Captivity. There does seem to be a trend for these kinds of films. But Saw is much more thoughtful than these films. There is a philosophy in Saw. The messages go so much deeper, where these other films seem to fall sort and only give you a shallow message so they can get to the killing. Saw is literally about puzzles within puzzles. It's about the insane mind of a man pushed to the edge and his legacy of revenge and pain he leaves behind. It is a movie about a killer named Jigsaw after all. And I am glad that name is not used in vain. These movies are like ongoing, crime drama soaps with violence thrown into the mix, which takes you for a dark ride into the human condition. Sure, the level of violence is more than say shows like CSI, but I still think the thought put into them is on par with shows like that. I’ve seen all 7 to date, and I can tell you it’s an ongoing story, each movie not really ending the tale. Just when the next one begins and you get answers to your questions, it ends leaving you with more to ponder. I'm not watching Days of Our Lives or anything stupid like that. I'm watching a mad man's plan for getting revenge work itself out. It's wicked! None of that soap opera stupid shit of, "I fucked your mother/uncle/cat and now she/he/it is gone and I wonder if said being is in a dumpster somewhere because they got really drunk when they realized I was rich and not just hawt."

Saw is more classy than that. Honestly.

And there are so many layers of messages in this series. Of course there is the main one of survival that started in the first. How far will people go to survive an ordeal? How much will they sacrifice? People faced with life or death situations will do crazy things, sometimes even stupid things to get out of it. Many times I found myself yelling at the screen because people would not listen to the rules, when clearly they had no other option but to. Part of the fun is that I think. When Detective Matthews wants to die on that ice block I laughed ironically, because I felt bad for the shmoe. He was just so done with all the games at that point that he didn’t care there was another guy tied to the same device he was.  

Another message I find highly intriguing is the one of justice. All of Jigsaw’s victims are chosen because they need to be rehabilitated. It’s not about killing them at all. Even though Jigsaw is an evil mastermind capable of reading people, he knows there is always a chance that his predictions might be wrong, that people may in fact survive (as Amanda, the junkie from the first film proves) and become reborn. What they are reborn as is anyone’s guess. Most become students of Jigsaw. Throughout the series, we find more and more people get recruited to the cause. It’s because of the methods Jigsaw uses. He makes people face themselves and their death, and in that moment, their psyches are re-written. Trauma can do that to people. Sometimes I couldn’t help but think what Jigsaw was doing was a public service, but that was my dark self talking. The point for the viewer really is to question their own moralities, and that of those in his traps. As the victim is being tested, so is the viewer, each and every time.

And I can’t help but ask myself how evil Jigsaw is really. I guess one could call him a kind of lawful evil. While he doesn’t follow society’s rules to the letter of law, he follows a “higher” law in his mind. His purpose is the only time we see him with real emotion, other than when he’s with his X wife. The purpose he serves is quite frankly to make people face themselves and change. If they don’t change, they die. He doesn’t think of himself as a murder, and says so many times. He despises murders. In his mind, he thinks he is teaching people. That they choose their death, and he just gives them the choices he feels they need to wake up.

I also think Tobin Bell is an amazing actor. His portrayal of Jigsaw is deeply moving. The guy does creepy well. And I know I couldn't help but really feel for his plight.

Even though by the third movie Jigsaw dies of cancer, his legacy continues on. His messages keep going. I think the most potent messages of the series are in the fourth and sixth movie. Number five in my opinion was a filler piece that needed more thought put into it. While it tied up a few questions, had a few neat kills, it lacked some of the passion the others had. I am happy to say Saw 6 brings that passion back. I even loved some of the devices and puzzles in this one even more than some of the others I’ve seen. Maybe it was watching it on a big screen. Something about seeing them on the big screen is just more powerful and fun if you’re into these kinds of films. Having people cheer after the first death scene was wicked. And one of the main messages I feel of Saw 6 was that the dead can still hurt you. One of the creepiest lines delivered is all about this message. (When you hear the line, you’ll know what I mean) That and the value of human life. Can you judge who should live and who should die? And if you do are you ready to take the consequences of that choice? Because Jigsaw is after all willing to give you choices.

Of course, Saw 3D was the closer for the series, and some of the kills were interesting, but the only real redeeming thing that it had going for it was the ending. I loved the fucking ending. It tied everything together so beautifully. It was worth it for me, the loyal fan that stuck through the franchise even when it was loosing it's luster. Because the ending was AWESOME! I turned to my husband and said ecstatically, "OH YEAH THEY TOTALLY DID IT! RIGHT ON!" And we gave each other high fives. If you watch the last one, and you see what I mean, just picture me high fiveing you. I totally called it.