MMM Day 07: Kweeny Reviews May!

KWEENY REVIEWS MAY

For the last day of May Monster Madness, I thought I’d do a movie that is very special to me. It’s a movie about the loss of innocence, and how we can create our own monsters. Also, I thought it would kind of fun to review a movie called May. Because May is one of my favorite Monster Mavens.

 May is the story of a very sheltered girl, who happens to have a lazy eye. To her, it’s a terrible deformity, one her own mother instilled a sort of shame about. When she is younger, she cannot make friends, because her mother forces her to wear an eye patch to cover it. Since she can’t make friends, for one of her birthday’s she is given a doll companion named Suzie.

But Suzie must remain behind glass.

Throughout poor May’s upbringing she is lonely, and socially stunted. She doesn’t know how to relate to others, and when she develops a crush on another boy with “lovely hands” she doesn’t realize that ultimately, she’s weirder than him. Hell, she’s weirder than most people.

But there is a beautiful innocence to May, and Angela Bettis plays her with such depth you feel for the poor girl. She’s so flawed and broken and yet glorious, and when the end comes and we see her spirit crushed, we know that action is going to cause some dire consequences. This movie warns us to watch out for the quiet ones, but it also tells us that monsters can be created, and rather easily.

Also, if you love Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein as I do, you can see a few nods to that story in this movie. The story is unique and twisted, the cinematography is beautiful, and May makes some of the most unique outfits you’ll ever see on screen.  The movie starts with a startling gory scene, but I assure you the gore in this film serves a purpose. Lucky McKee directed this gem in 2002, and it's not fast paced, but it does move with a purposeful grace. When we reach the final, grisly end, it’s very satisfying. 

I would recommend May to all tragically broken monsters, especially those created by careless handling. 

MMM Day 06: Kweeny Gets Drained

I love short films. Short films are visual short fiction, showing us a snapshot of an emotion, a place, a time frame, a person. Short films are wonderful because they challenge the viewer in a small span of time, making something incredible happen in just a few moments.

Recently I stumbled upon a little gem of a short film called Drained. I think we all can relate to this feeling, and that at least once in our lives we've had someone treat us this way. Watch the clip below to see what I mean:

With the use of stop motion, wordless expression, and strong imagery, we see how people can drain those they love. Sometimes we create our own monsters by our actions.

So, what did you think of the movie? Tomorrow I will bring you a review of one of my favorite movies about people becoming their own monsters. ;)

MMM Day 05: Kweeny Tells a Story...

I figured I'd share a little short story today! It's been a while, and I miss writing creatively. It's a rough draft, and it's very dark, with lightly erotic undertones too. It might be a little triggering. You've been warned. So with all that said, curl up with your favorite wolf-beast and read on while I tell you a Fairy Tale.

RED RIDING HOODS CONFESSION

She wandered through the thick forest, her red-cloaked back like a crimson gash across dark foliage. Leaves crunched under her leather-booted soles, the laces done up all the way to her knees. She just polished them that night, just the way he liked it done. Little rituals were needed to please one of his kind. Little rituals she found great pride in doing correctly.

She moved swiftly but with purpose, the tail end of her cloak flapping behind her as the breeze caught it. A long black curl of hair peaked from beneath her hood, but she kept the rest of her face hidden. He liked that as well. He told her, "Women should remain mysterious. If they give too much of that away, they become meat. When they are meat..."

"They are devoured." She whispered softly out loud, and clutched her basket to her side.

As she reached the edge of the waterfall a sound scrambled behind her. Perhaps it was a small animal, like a rabbit or a squirrel. When she turned to look, nothing was there. Just darkness caressing the curves of trees, like hungry hands wanting to grope the bark and strip it naked. The darkness seemed deeper than it was when she first got here. A night of moonless black stretching across the land like a blanket of snow. But it was too wet for such things. The trees here were not wild forests she was familiar with. Here they were like a jungle, more vines and strange growth. Less pine and maple trees. Less familiarity. Winter here was never white.

When she turned around, he was already there drinking from the stream that lead to the waterfall. Her breath caught in her throat, and his eyes darted upwards to meet her gaze.

"You're late." His voice said softly into her mind, and she trembled a little. She pulled the cloak around herself tightly, to hide herself a little more. "I came though. Like before. Like I promised."

"True." She watched him lift his head and tilt to one side, a look of perplexity at her hiding herself from him. "Why so timid? It's not like I haven't seen you naked before."

Her face flushed and she swallowed hard, remembering their first night together. The savagery, the desire, "I know...I just...I got a chill."

He didn't buy it, but he let her have her dignity, for the moment. Those eyes kept their gaze locked on hers, the intensity of his stare overwhelming, "I see you have a basket there. Something to share with me?"

A slight cheeky smirk crossed her lips and she replied back, "Only if you can behave."

He chuckled at that, a strange sound she never thought she'd hear from him. But she liked it. He stepped toward her, his paws splashing in the stream. It was very shallow, just trickling down towards it's goal. Little pebbles shimmered within, as his paws walked deftly across.

"Behave? And how shall I behave for you then? Is there a proper way a wolf must behave for a lady?"

Something twinkled in his golden eyes. Something dark, dangerous and alluring. Something that promised many things, but would reveal none until he wanted to.

She knelt down to put the basket at her feet, her hand sliding in and out of the towels she'd wrapped her gift in. She palmed something in that instant, before setting it down in front of him. But she was sure he didn't see. If he did, he'd comment on it and possibly growl at her. Wolves are cunning creatures. Tricking them is never an easy task.

He sniffed the air as he approached her, and for a moment she had forgotten why she was here again. Her breath caught in her throat at his beauty. He was a large, powerful beast, with soft black fur the color of jet. Eyes like melted gold, pulled from flame but still sizzling. Muscled and strong, and twice the size of a normal wolf. She knew he was different, especially when he pinned her down and tore her clothes off the first time they met. She screamed so loud she thought surely someone would hear...

But not in a forest this dense, dark and far away.

After sniffling the basket, he lifted his gaze to her again and arched a brow, "So...you bring me tribute?"

"I killed it myself." She said softly, and The Wolf seemed to smile.

"I can smell it. Recently even. Good job. Must have been hard for you. Seeing as you are still..."

"What?" She said defiantly, her back straightening, "A woman?"

He licked a fang playfully at her and replied with, "No, a human."

She inhaled softly, and he began pulling the towels off the basket with his teeth. Slowly he revealed the prize inside, a freshly torn out heart, still beating. The blood pooled in the bottom of the basket, barely contained by folded towels under the heart that soaked up the blood. He took note of the many slash marks in it and looked up at her suspiciously, "Didn't even dare to taste it?"

"Not a bite." She said softly, and waved her free hand at him, "It's all yours."

His eyes narrowed into slits and she saw his lip curl ever so softly, "I cannot give you what you seek. No matter how many hearts you give me. And I know who's heart this is."

She frowned and clenched the thing she palmed in her hand, holding it behind her back, "But you said..."

"I know what I said! But I told you, it's not that easy!"

Red screamed at him, " but I am already a murder! Already damned! I was damned the moment you took me in the forest! When you tore everything I had away from me! My innocence! My girlish youth! My hopes and dreams! YOU WILL GIVE THIS TO ME!"

He sighed, something very unlike a real wolf would do. Something only a creature beyond wolf and man could do with a wolf's lips. A human expression on a wolf's features. An expression of heartache.

"I know what I did. I am what I am. And you were just so..."

"Prefect." She said with her own slight growl. "I was prefect then. I am not no more."

The Wolf lowered his head, perhaps with a sense of shame. She couldn't tell. It seemed like a slight sorrow. Like he was struggling with something internally. She tightened her grip so hard around the thing in her hand she thought she'd snap it in two.

"You're still so prefect...just different. More like me...which is why I just cannot." He looked up at her, imploring with her. His golden eyes so beautiful, soft and almost kind, "Please Red. You've already done too much. But there is still hope, even now. Even after you killed your grandmother."

The rage boiled in her veins now. Hot like lava. She felt like her skin would turn crimson with it, matching the cloak she wore. She tore it off now and let him look at her, pulling the strings that fastened it at the neck and let it just drop at her feet.

She wore thigh-high stockings with little lace ruffles at the tops, tiny lace black panties, and nothing else. A scar marked her belly. His claws. There were teeth marks in her neck. All healed up, but still scarred over. And in her hand she held a silver dagger.

His eyes widened as he gazed upon her, and he realized the mistake he had made. The Wolf was slowly realizing what he had created.

Her eyes burned like his as they stared at one another now. And it looked like golden rage. As hot as a sun.

"You did this to me!" She roared, and fangs peaked from her gums.

"Red! I didn't know, I thought..."

"You fool! Could you not smell it on me? That I wasn't human anymore? That you fucked that out of me?"

The Wolf took a step backwards into the stream as Red took a step forward towards him.

"How could I have known? You still smell human! I don't understand..."

That's when she lunged. He almost was caught by her blade, but escaped with just a scratch. But that scratch hurt. It burned and The Wolf yelped in pain. He scampered away, and shook his head to help him focus through the pain. But his vision blurred.

She smiled, and licked the blood off the dagger.

"Maybe I haven't changed enough for my scent to be different. Maybe I need your blood to fully change. Or maybe, you are too close to me to notice. Do you love me little Wolfie? Was it hard for you to live with what you did to me?"

He was the one afraid now, and she loved it. She drank in his fear, watching his eyes dart around for an escape route, as she pressed him towards a tree. Just like he had done to her. He tried to run when she pinned him, pressing her weight against him. She laughed darkly as he struggled, making pained whimpers as she stabbed him again with the blade.

"So did you love me Wolfie? Or was just I another prefect little victim for you to feed off of?"

The Wolf cried out in anguish as she stabbed him, his blood spilling between them, cooling on the dried leaves below. His golden eyes swam now, his gaze hazy with loss of blood. He watched her lick the blade again and said in a raspy voice, "You were both. Sometimes love is like that. Sometimes, you must be hunter and hunted. It's the bitterness of a broken heart that makes you a monster. I gave you exactly what you wanted!"

She didn't like that response. With swift, brutal movements she stabbed him again, and again, until she was coated in his dark blood. Red was stained crimson while the Wolf's eyes glowed no more, turning from smoldering embers into black ash. When he finally gave his last death rattle, she kissed his muzzle and dropped his body unceremoniously to the ground.

"No, the one thing I wanted you'll never give me. You'll never let me be your mate. Now it doesn't matter."

She looked down at him, her eyes hard. Whatever she felt was locked away behind the solid gold in her gaze, and the gold didn't waver. She inhaled deeply and looked down at her hands, noticing they were now claws. Claws that dripped blood. She studied them intently, and after a few moments growled and waved them about, "Come on, change back!"

She stopped waving them and looked at them again.

A slight black fur was forming on her knuckles. Her eyes widening in panic.

"No! He's dead! I killed the fucker! I KILLED HIM! CHANGE BACK!"

She balled them into fists and waved them again. When she stopped, her arms were covered in fur.

"No...NO!!! AAARRROOOOO!"

There was no moon to witness her change. She wasn't that kind of Wolf. She was something much more terrible. And she would be marked by his blood forever for it.

~Queenie Thayer

MMM Day 04: Kweeny Rocks Out To Creature Feature!

I thought for today's madness I would share with you a band I enjoy. I found them actually while listening to Rue Morgue Radio, and ever since then they've been one of my favorites. Rue Morgue Radio plays all sorts of creepy, monstrous, Halloweeny-themed music, so if you're into that you should give them a listen sometime.

Creature Feature fits right in on Rue Morgue's station for that very reason. You can tell the band members grew up monster-kids. Their love for things like Vincent Price, Edward Gorey, Tim Burton and horror movies is very evident in their songs. Every one of their songs is like a celebration of Halloween. 

They have a very unique style too, which is why I keep coming back to them. I find that their albums are worth listening to in completion. They are storytelling musicians, and you feel like you are transported when listening to them. I enjoy the dark world they take the listener to as well. It's a familiar place to me, and I feel right at home amongst people being buried alive, freaky carnivals, reading obituaries, and other such deeds.

But don't go away just yet! I think readers may be looking for this little thing I found in an open grave rocking out to Creature Feature this morning...

http://www.anniewalls.com/p/may-monster-madness-hunt.html

Does this belong to you? If so, go claim him at the link below his image.

As for me, I have some Monster's to shave and get prepped for tomorrow's madness...

MMM day 03: The Episode Of Aaaarg My Fucking Eyes...

Is brought to you by all the times your bed was really lumpy and you couldn't sleep for the LIFE of you...

And of course, the warning: May contain spoilers, blah blah blah. May also make you want to get drunk on wine and eat strange things like fried chicken, apples and people! 

MJ: Welp, there's an hour and a half of my life I'm never getting back.

 KT: *laughs* same here. Holy crap, trying to keep my eyes open was a chore. I felt like I was torturing myself.

MJ: You were, Kweeny, you were. Even by 1977 standards, the pacing was sheer agony. Nothing could be done without at least ten seconds worth of establishing shot, and nobody moved with any more urgency than "Hmm, I should probably hit the bathroom before lunch" speed.

 KT: Good thing I have sharp things lying around to stab myself with. That's what kept me going. 

 MJ: Oh, I took my life into my own hands! I watched the whole movie... while stretched out in bed! *shiver* 

 KT: OH NOES! Are your limbs still in tact? Because apparently if the demon bed eats your fingers down to the bone, it only hurts a little.

Well, at least I don't have fat fingers anymore...

 MJ: Certainly not enough to scream, according to Brother Stumpy (apparently played by Robert Plant's halfwit younger brother). But yeah, a quick check confirms that both arms and all three legs are intact.

 
 KT: Good. So before we get too ahead of ourselves, tell the readers what movie we just tortured ourselves with...

MJ: Right. Today's platter of poop, today's serving of stool, comes in the form of 1977's Death Bed: the Bed that Eats. It's a premise I couldn't come up with if the local police let me do all the drugs in their evidence locker at once, and writer/director/producer/horrible human being George Barry still managed to make it both painful and boring.

 KT: Extremely painful and boring. I think he thought he was trying to make the film look stylish, but honestly even on shrooms you'd fall asleep.

MJ: On shrooms, the walls provide a much better story, and the salt & pepper shaker turn in much better acting performances. Of course, after Taco Bell and Old Milwaukee, your bowels will also turn in a better script.

 KT: *nods* So help me understand this ass-blaster of a film okay? Is the story about a bed that was awoken by demon tears because the demon screwed some bimbo to death? Or is the demon trapped in the bed? And why the hell was it so hungry? And why do I want to drink myself stupid while eating apples and fried chicken? What about the dude in the walls? WTF was his deal? Why was he out of ALL the people eaten, trapped with the bed?

I think I fell asleep too much... 

 MJ: Ah, him! The script lists him as The Artist, but I called him Wallgoth "Hamlet" von Clownstick, Distant Ancestor of Donald Trump. He was apparently the most interesting person the bed ever ate, which just goes to show you.

The Tortured Artiste

 KT: Interesting huh? That's why I have stab marks up and down my arms to keep me awake. He's "The Artist"... how pretentious is that? You know who he reminded me of? Too many snobby older goths in clubs. The "Elder Goths." They think they are artists too. Because wearing thick eye liner and multiple rings on your fingers makes you a super ARTISTE.

 MJ: Exactly. Well, then again, judging by the rather disinterested faces of the other victims, and the drunken-sorority-girl sex-sounds people were making- instead of screaming- while being eaten, one can only assume that these were some supremely boring people. Nobody seemed able to muster more of a reaction than is generally reserved for finding a hornet in one's garage. 

KT: Agreed. I mean one dude's hands were eaten down to the bone. TO THE FRICKEN BONE! He didn't scream a bit! Not even a pained face. He looked like he was sad he couldn't get it up anymore with his hands, but that was the only reaction we got!

And MJ, I know people who would scream at finding a hornet. 

 MJ: True enough. It would freak me out pretty bad, too, but these folks were reacting like their bus was late.

And then there was Sharon, our... survivor-girl...? She WATCHED one friend get eaten, deduced that the other one was as well, and decides to valiantly sit in the corner and have a nap. 

 KT: Seriously. I know Pretentious-Artiste-Dude tried to play if off that she was in shock, but I have seen people in shock. She didn't even have a cold sweat on her brow.

 MJ: Yeah. That was not a "My friends are DEAD!" face, that was a "Oops, we're out of peanut butter" face.

Also, did you know that a human body being eaten makes the exact same sounds as someone eating an apple? And that the sound of blood bubbling out of the ground sounds EXACTLY like George Barry's bong?

KT: *laughs* I have learned many things today my friend! Many horrible, stupid things! Like demons love fucking their girlfriends on special beds. And they cry like wusses when rejected. They cry so hard their eye balls break like glass. 

 MJ:And then they go off to spend a couple centuries pouting in a tree. And only sleep once every ten years, because plot convenience. I think this thing's a demon in the same sense that Edward Cullen's a 'vampire'- which is to say, watered-down wussy-ass version designed to push a ridiculous weak plot. 

 KT: Heh, exactly. I'm still confused as to what the bed's powers really where. I knew it could eat shit with it's weird bile-acid stuff, but it could destroy the house too? What did it eat the foundations?
 MJ: Apparently when it's got its shit together, it's telekinetic, which does make it an iota less embarrassing to be eaten by a BED. Seriously, if the sum total of a successful defense plan can be written as "roll over", you need to rethink your monster. Also, stop writing movies. 

KT: Don't worry, I think he did stop making movies after this one.

 MJ: Yep. IMDB confirms that Death Bed was Barry's first-and-last foray into filmmaking- for which the world breathes a collective sigh of relief- but this eye-herpes still gives him a place in Filmmaker Hell wiping Ed Wood's ass and keeping Uwe Boll's throne warm until he arrives.

 KT: Ugh... I really could not have thought up a plot so stupid even if I was sniffing glue. I mean a bed that eats people could be an awesome B movie! It could be funny as hell, but this was art house tripe!

That dastardly bed poured a can of red paint on my legs! I will never walk again!

 MJ: Now that you mention it, yeah- it kinda felt like it was trying to be arty, but fell well short of surreal and landed in the territory inhabited by indigestion-dreams. Tried to be Sauvignon Blanc, ended up Thunderbird.
 KT: *nods* Exactly my point. Even artsy movies have better acting, direction, story boarding, set design...even if they are weird as shit. 

Do you think we've beaten this Death Bed to death? Because I need some fried chicken, apples and booze.

Apples! My favorite! NOM NOM NOM...

 MJ: Yeah- I liked Antichrist, that Willem Dafoe movie with the dead fox, for example, and that was arty as fuck.

Ahh, fried chicken, apples and booze- the preferred appetizer of carnivorous furniture the world over. Nah, I think we've milked this pimple for all it's worth. I'll simply leave our readers with a warning:
If you leave a piece of food on your bed, look away, and it's gone when you turn back- and you don't have any pets?

Leave the house- it's about to get tedious in there. 

KT: *smirks* Wise words to live by. Thank you readers for joining Mad Jester and I, and I hope you are enjoying the May Monster Madness! See you tomorrow gang for more!

May Monster Madness 02: Kweeny Top 10 Modern Day Creature Features!

In the darkness, the creatures lurk. The monsters, the mutations, the aliens, the damned. They sound like my kind of people! Pull up a chair my ghoulish gang, and let me show you some of my favorite modern day Creature Features! We will start this list from the early 90's onward! In no particular order I present you...

KWEENY'S TOP 10 MODERN DAY CREATURE FEATURES!

The Host 2006

For whatever reason, be it chemical waste or whatever, a creature rises from the Seoul's Han river and runs amok in South Korea. And it's friggen AWESOME to watch!

The Mist 2007

Because Maine is the center of weird ass shit, we find a group of survivors trying to hang in there when creatures of other worldly origin attack their small town. Pretty neat special effects, with some really interesting characters making hard choices.

The Decent 2005

Take a traumatized woman and her friends and trap them underground while spelunking.  What happens? Watch the movie and find out! 

Dog Soldiers 2002

Werewolves fight trained Scottish military soldiers. Enough said! 

Bats 1999

I tend to find bats adorable, but this film turns them into genetically-modified, blood-thirsty bitches. If you fear bats in any way, you might wanna steer clear of this one.

Splinter 2008

A weird "splintering" parasite turns people into...well...just look at the image above. *shivers*

Pandorum 2009

A smart sci-fi horror about a crew stranded in a ship, who have all lost their memories, and realize slowly they are going insane. OR ARE THEY?

Eight Legged Freaks 2002

GIANT FUCKING SPIDER MOVIE.

I Am Legend 2007


Will Smith's character (which to me is just Will Smith being a sadder Will Smith) is the sole survivor of a world over-run by zombie-vampire things. Oh, and he has an awesome dog.

Tremors 1990

Friggen classic movie about strange worm-like creatures who love to eat anything, especially people! Also has a great cast of characters, funny dialogue and some neat wormy beasties!

Those are but a few of my favorites. Each of them have some interesting monsters in them, and for some, the monster is what lurks within that transforms them! Come back tomorrow for more Monster Madness!