Monster Mavens: The Queen's of Kweeny's Horror

So I'm a contrarian who understands the difference between a woman and a female. Since this is Women in Horror month, and I've been watching a little too much of RuPaul's Drag Race, I figure I should give a shout out to my drag sisters of horror RuPaul style! I know they are usually portrayed as crazy bitches, and in truth, there is a little crazy in every Drag Queen. Not to the point of killing mind you, but horror is all about playing with stereotypes. It's what we got to work with in the genre after all. Part of why horror is great is because it throws those over the top stereotypes in your face and makes you see them for what they really are: Ridiculous baby!

Let's finish this with a BANG Okay honey?

As RuPaul would say: Gentlemen start your engines! And may the best women...KILL!
(Okay so I changed it a bit, this is Kweey Todd's Drag Race after all.)

 Kweeny Todd's Top Queen's of Horror:

3. Angela Barker: Sleepaway Camp

Now Honey, we all got issues. But Angela's got subscriptions! This bitch convinces us she is all woman, but she's more girl than woman. Her look is too damsel in distress. I am NOT into that really. The big reveal however is a nice touch. Back in the day that took the judges by storm. We saw that little girl, already one crazy bitch who kills people, just standing there with her weenie hanging out and our jaws dropped! Good on her for being a fierce Queen!

2. Norman Bates: Psycho 

Norman Bates here is a classic. Gotta give her props for that. She brought the glamour of murder to the runway back in the black in white days. Mmm hmmm! Now that took balls. *wink* Of course, dressing like your mother isn't really that fashionable if you ask me. I would have loved to see Norman use more glitter and sparkles honey. That would have looked fabulous with the blood splattered shower curtain!

1. Frankenfurter: Rocky Horror

Of course, there is only one true winner in Kweeny Todd's Drag Race. One Queen who shines above the rest. My doll here Frankenfurter. Girl WORKED IT! I mean she has style, sass, and was a real pain in the ass! *wink* Who doesn't love a mad doctor who knows how to wear fishnet, heels and a corset! Corsets will always win this gal's heart. So to you my feisty, sexy Queen: Hold your head high Frankenfurter. You are a Horror Diva!

Honorary Mention: 

Dressed To Kill: Bobbi

I mention this Queen because she stirred controversy. She made the critics stand up and take notice, and that is quite the achievement. What Queen doesn't make people notice her? Am I right? I mean sure, her drag left a bad taste in people's mouths, and made many trans people furious when they saw it. I can see why, believe me. But sometimes your dress fails and sometimes the wig won't stay on your head right. As long as you walk on that stage and kill a few people, you're not any less crazy than the rest of these Horror Queens. And this bitch has a straight razor! You know Kweeny loves that shit!

I'd also love to see a Diva be more fierce in a horror movie. Portrayed the way Queen's actually are. I really would. I'd like to see one that is less about gimmicks and more about the fact Queen's are just people who dress better. Can I get an AMEN up in here?

And that concludes the Kween's pick of Queens. And remember readers, If you can't love your horror, how the WORLD are you gonna love being scared?

*Kweeny struts off stage, wiggling her butt*

Bagged & Tagged

I know I am late with this, been busy lately and only had time to do my Monster Mavens section. But I got a few moments to spare, and I do enjoy VainGlorySinner's blog. So to show her the respect she deserves I am gonna answer her questions in the latest blog tagging thingie going around. Here you go gang, more useless but hopefully entertaining facts about moi:

1. What is your favourite dessert?

 Hmmm....truly the only answer I can give is chocolate. Because all things that are chocolate are AWESOME to me. I'm really not picky about it. I am a huge choco-holic. I think I need a 12 step program. If I was told I could never eat chocolate again for health reasons I'd STILL eat it, because damn it, I'd rather die happy than without chocolate and miserable. It's honestly that important to me.

Seriously, look at this face...would you take my chocolate away from me when it brings me such joy?

YUM!

2. If you could live in any decade which would it be and why?

 The 1920's, before the depression hit. It was just a smashing time period. Pinstripes, top hats, flapper dresses, I love it all. People seemed classy then, even if they were thugs. There is a magic to that time I just love. An elegance even in the darkest parts of the criminal underworld. The short piece I got published in Ages of Wonder is set in the "Roaring 20's". Magical creatures meets gumshoe detectives! Guys and dolls all the way!

3. What is your favourite Disney film?

 I'd say Nightmare Before Christmas for sure. 

4. Who is your favourite historical person and why?

 Seeing as my real name is Queenie, I am inspired by Queens. Battle Queen's to be exact. They empower me. It's one of my passions to study them when I find them. One of my favourites though, is Boudica. I'm Celtic, and I just love her life story. She was fierce and terrible, and made the Romans fear her. She fought alongside her men. She wasn't just some pretty, ornamental thing barking orders from the safety of her throne. And she suffered greatly, which didn't break her but drove her to be more ruthless and cunning. Despite her tragic end she made a mark on history that is not easily forgotten.

5. What is your favourite book?

Squeee!

 Oh man, I hate picking just one book...it's so difficult to choose! But if I have to pick one, I'm going to say The Thief of Always by Clive Barker. He signed it for me so it's got a special place in my heart. 

6. If you were given £1000 to spend in any one place, where would you choose?

 Damn! If I had that kind of money I think I'd be derping hard because I've never had that kind of money! I suppose I'd see if I could find a store that carries all the things I love in one place: Horror stuff, magical stuff, gothic stuff, books, movies, etc...if there is a magical place like that it should be called Kweeny's Gory Kingdom and I should live there. 

Yeah. It would be exactly like this.

7. What is your favourite childhood memory?

That's a hard one. I didn't have a very good childhood. But I suppose some of my best moments were with my best friend Anna. I think she is the reason I am published at all. 

When we were 16 she convinced me (and she worked on me as I was terrified of people reading my work) to submit a short story to a contest called Power of the Pen. I won second place. I can tell you that stunned feeling was the first time I ever felt like "Holy crap I can do something cool?", but it would not be the last time. Life is cool like that.

8. If you could hold a dinner with only 2 other guests (dead or alive, celebrity or historical) who would they be?

H.P. Lovecraft and Edger Allen Poe. Man that would be one crazy dinner party don't you think? Two mad recluses forced to eat with one flame haired weird girl like me? They'd have no idea what to do about me humping their legs and asking them to sign my books. 

9. What would you choose to be your last supper?

I would want a full sushi dinner, plus a steak dinner with all the trimmings. And chocolate for desert. I would stuff myself until I exploded. 

10. Name one beauty product you couldn't live without.

  Um, shampoo. I love washing my hair. Maybe face cleanser. I have ache prone skin and hate break outs.  So I need that stuff for sure. I tend to use a lot of handmade things. Living in Oregon you get a lot of natural stuff and handmade stuff. It's kinda neat. I think it's turning me into a dark hippy. The Horror Hippy maybe? I dunno. I just like handmade soaps and things. 

11. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? 

I'd live in New Orleans. I have been in love with that city since I was 12. It's a place full of stories. Full of magic and mystery. All of it has left a mark on that place. Made it rich, vibrant and full of life. Even when Katrina hit, that place survived. The people there are survivors. They also know how to party. And I'd love to study Voodoo there. It's a different feel than Haitian Voodoo, which I adore as well. 

Now I am not doing the second part of this. I don't have the energy sadly to do so tonight, but I am thankful I was tagged. The questions were interesting so I couldn't pass them up. Tomorrow I shall bring you the final Monster Maven post of the month. I'm glad I got to be a part of Women in Horror Month.

Sweet dreams boils and ghouls.

Monster Mavens: Miss Gory Rae

Sorry for the lateness readers, but this is a meaty little interview! Sink your teeth in and enjoy! Hopefully it will give you all the Gory nourishment you could ever need. ;)

In honour of WIHM, I have an interview with a very special woman. Those of you who have been following along know I love horror hosts. They are a special breed of horror icon and fan that is sadly a rare commodity these days. They opened a lot of young minds to the genre (I being one of them) by being our guides through the Underworld of horror. Be the films good or bad, the horror host was there to give a special flare to your viewing enjoyment.

Miss Gory Rae keeps that proud tradition alive in her own way. I am thrilled she took the time out to be with me today, so without further rambling I bring you Canada’s Leading Horror Hostess with the mostess!

First off, thank you very much Miss Gory Rae for being here on Kweeny Todd! 

Goryious Greetings, Kweeny! May I say that you look ghastly today? Thank you very much for inviting me to share sordid secrets with you...


Well, it helps that I have demon barber possessing my body. He keeps me up you might say...But enough about me, let’s get right down to the meaty details shall we? What made you want to be a horror hostess? What started little Gory on the road to becoming what she is today?

Well! I shall make this as painful as possible...As I explain in the opening of THE GORY HOLE: Unlive, I was a happy harlot of doom, potions and notions...typical Scarlet Woman wanderings along with Mr.Crowley and other shady characters, whom I do love dearly...when, all of a sudden, because I showed 'abominable abilities' (and had the right shade of red hair) I was snatched up by a conglomerate of candid secret societies, and in 1913, was damned to the guillotine. I doth protested...but, it seemed that there were too many minions with a greater grand plan...I was to be re-animated by the very top mad-minded Scientists. Of course...I only awoke to find this all out, and upon waking on that cold slab, I was inducted into ICK (International Creature Klatch) as a Teratologist, To this day...I am a agent, part of many Monster purveyors, bound to keep the precious balance betwixt Humans and, of course...Beings such as you and I.

We are a special breed of creature indeed. (red hair and all!) But I'm curious, what’s the horror community like in Vancouver? Do you find it different than other places?

Well Kweeny..I really did not get to choose to be here, I originally was a high ranking officer in Columbus Ohio, (where I am going to be for the first time back since 'the incident', at HHW 2012) You see? I may be a witch that escaped the burning stake, but I eventually did get burned...by a peer, a jealous peer...a peer that I shall one day get my revenge upon...But, that is neither here nor there. Vancouver is the end of N. America as far as the West. There is a massive amount of abnormal activity, why we have Ogopogo, Our Sea Serpent...Oh! And of course The Sasquatch clans, plus your usual monsters moanin and groanin, biting and fighting...Yes, Meridian does lay here, and it is up to Agents of ICK to maintain the delicate balance.

Is there less of a following for Horror Hosts in Canada or just not enough people up North willing/crazy enough to do it? (Maybe they just aren't as gory as you are...)

Playing 'Hostess' is a secondary job really...It also allows me to enjoy doing what I really love, and that is gab about Horror in general. Being a 'Frightslinger'...(The very old term...) or 'Host' as you put it, allows me to blend in, and never have to explain my actions. I cannot really tell you why they are not any more if us around up here, There was an excellent broadcast that was on about 35+ years ago...which my personal Saint, Vincent Price, hosted, and created by a genuine genius called HILARIOUS HOUSE OF FRIGHTENSTEIN, which is one of The Great White Norths pride when it comes to all things Frightful and OH so Delightful...But? Alas, save for the others that work in the ...whats the word? 'Industry'? They have all chosen a completely different route, an imperative one, of course, which Canada is VERY proud to have, But, as I say...I cannot think of one other, or a valid reason, sadly.

Ah Vincent Price, a top favorite of mine as well. That show was filmed in my home town even! You have good taste Miss Gory! But I digress...would you say it’s hard to be a horror hostess? What sort of qualifications would you say one needs to walk down such a path? What are some of the struggles you've had doing this gig?

Well...Firstly? Since I am, and have been more or less a Live event sort, as opposed to being on cable access and the such, I am currently only able to play my show on the fantastic MONSTER CHANNEL (www.100ymm.com).  I am quite proud to say that it is run, maintained, programmed, and kept 'alive', pardon the pun, by Monsters, or other 'Hosts', as you say. If Canada would only allow opportunities like the U.S, I know I would be able to conquer the null factor of being alone in this. But fortunately...little by little Canadian haunters and their kin are shivering up to the idea, and as I said, since I do prefer, and always have for the last 2 decades, preferred performing live, (Google 'ME' for links to the myriad of many clips live.) I never fear struggling, as I always say "What doesn't kill you, makes you a monster."

Great quote! Reminds me of Aeon Fluxx actually, "What doesn't kill you makes you stranger." I bet you've met some interesting people in your travels. Who would you say are some of your favourite people you’ve met at conventions? Also would you say the fandom of horror is the reason you do what you do? Why is it so important to you? (Have a double whammy Miss Gory!)

Of COURSE! Some of the best 'beings a gal could ever...er...wait. Hmmmmmmm...You said "people". Well, I suppose that is what humans are called. I prefer the term "Beings", as "people" is far too common for the Fright freaks, and all around most impeccable creatures I could ever have hope to have met, known, etc. I am not one for dropping names...But there are pulenty of pics in some of my convention albums that will give you a hint or two.*winks* No! Fandom is the last reason I do what I do! I simply feel and always have, that the 'atypical' monsters, or any semblance of sympathizers are imperative on this planet. Can you imagine a world without 'wonders'? Freaks? or as some would even go as far to say, abnormalities? If we did not have the very idea of Dark and Light, where would humans begin to define the way of opposites? I see beings such as myself as a medium. Sure, we may appear a tad dark, but you really couldn't find a better base of beasts to know. Think of Frankensteins Creation. He was so horribly misunderstood. However it is because of these famous examples that I think we are more accepted, even revered by some fanatics. I dare say I NEVER thought I would see Humans glorifying Zombies (Oh they are a troublesome lot...Trust me..one of my jobs is to side 'em up until they are happily docile, ergo...harmless to the Humans...)

Now you know why I like you so much. I feel the same way about the "monsters" of this world. You are quite the monster lady Miss Gory. Speaking of,  how hard has it been for you as a woman working within the genre. Do people take you seriously?

I do hope so! I know I do...But generally, Yes...the ones that matter to me do, and really? That is a pretty universal way I would think anything would and could want.

Okay here's a bloody question for you: What is the worst movie you've ever seen?


Oh! Now that is just asking me to be mean...Besides, as I said...I so not drop names, or name any piece of work that deserves to be blatantly blamed for being bad...However, IF I must choose one...*thinks* I think anything with Jenifer Aniston doing the rom com thing shouldn't be available to view. (Gives the wrong message...) hehehehehe.

If you could give advice to someone reading this right now, who’s thinking, “I wish I could do that.” What would you say? How would you inspire them to fight for their dreams? (Feel free to Pimp your stuff too. Give us a place to find the Gory Details!)


I would say anything in your state or time of living is worth fighting for...as you never know when you may be snapped up, have your head lopped off, re-attached, and then sent out by a secret society to help keep the spirit alive, so to speak.

Listen to your gut.

Don't just wake up one day and say to yourself "Gee, I think I am going to change my identity, beliefs, family, fiends, run off to NOT TOPIC and spend that evil green paper on becoming something you are not...Because the ONLY being you are going to end up hurting is yourself...

There is a place for every soul, whether it be Monster or Maker, Doctor, or Baker...Candlestick maker...EVERYONE has a job that only their heart can decide.

This? Was just MY destiny...I cannot tell people to fake it...(although trust me, as you know many do...But really? How happy can you be if you have to fake everything...besides, you will get caught...and that would suck...I reckon.)

Be true to thyself.

(I am sorry I combined some questions...but I felt I answered them in other answers...PLEASE let me know if you aren't too happy with that!)

As for anything else to pimp...I ask that you only choose pics of me in character...But you have my permission to pic which ones you like..I personal like the ones up on my page now...

I am also, as I said, a guest at this years Horror Hound WKND in Columbus Ohio, along with the rest of the other hosts, and I tend to do CRYPTICON in Seattle if I can...I am also in a year long contest to become Spokes-model for Scares That Care..(I will put up my banner) to vote for me, it costs a dollar, but it is that which is why I did it, as no matter what? It helps sick kids, and raises breast cancer awareness)

All of my links, and so forth are in my profile, or Fanpage: https://www.facebook.com/MissGory.THE.GORY.HOLE.Unlive

Scares That Care: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Scares-That-Care/195299815529

 Thank you for having & hearing me Kweeny, you are definitely well on your way to being a true pest to the very best!! I kid, of course...THAT is how I compliment competent creeps...
It has been a bloomin blast...Please, DO Creepin touch!

And thank you Miss Gory! I had a delightful time! Continue to spread the gore far and wide! Canada needs more gore! 

Late With My Monster Mavens

I know I haven't posted anything today, and I do plan to make a Monster Maven's post. But due to unexpected circumstances the interview I am waiting on is going to be late. I'm sorry gang. But I will post it very soon. It should be worth the wait when it arrives. *smirk*

xoxox

~Kweeny

Monster Mavens: Women Who Deserve Valentine's

For today's Monster Maven's post I thought I'd do something a little different. Since Valentine's day is fast approaching, I thought I'd write an article based on the premise of women I want to be my girlfriends in horror films. Girls I'd date in a heart beat. I don't really celebrate this holiday in any traditional sense, as I believe you should show those you love how much you love them everyday of the year. Rotting teeth with sap is not my style, unless you like your sap covered in spikes. But what the hell, I'm feeling shmoopy. My hubby has been so nice to me lately when I hurt my neck (and I hurt it pretty bad...) and I am doped up, so I am feeling loving. FEEEEL THE KWEENY LOVE JUICE!

Here is a list of my top 5 favourite babes of horrorland. Women who kick so much ass that if I ever met them, I'd probably be so intimated by their raw awesome I'd gibber incoherently in their presence. Some ladies just have the full package. Maybe if I send them Valentine's day love they won't eat my heart like over-priced crappy chocolate. Maybe.

 #5: RIPLEY

Ripley is from the Alien franchise, which is one of the coolest sci-fi horror movie franchises I have ever encountered. I'm not a huge sci-fi buff, so I am very picky about what I watch. But this woman, played by Sigourney Weaver, is awesome. She has sex appeal, is strong, independent, and willing to stand up for what she believes in.  She has a mothering instinct that isn't over done when she takes little Newt under her wing. She also turns into one creepy, scary bitch when she is cloned with the alien blood in her veins....

She can snuggle me anytime. 

 #4 LUZ (aka: Shé)

Let me start by saying I love Michelle Rodriguez. I don't think she gets enough screen time. She's been in several films, but I think if I have to choose one film I love her best in, I'd have to say it's Machete. While Machete is more exploitation film than horror, it's gory enough that I'm gonna add it to my list. Michelle's portrayal of the ass-kicking Luz only gets more awesome as the film progresses. Once she gets that eye patch rocking, she's unstoppable. You can wound the girl, but she will just keep coming, and with a bigger gun!

DAYUM. 

 #3 LAURIE STRODE

In case you don't know this, Halloween was the first taste of horror I ever had. Laurie is played by Jamie Lee Curtis, who went on to do more Halloween films and other awesome horror stuff. But her portrayal of Laurie has always stayed with me. She is the ying to Mike Myers yang. She grows stronger with every encounter, and that strength is inspiring. She also aged well. If only we all could age so gracefully.

Girl, you make grey look GOOD.

#2 JULIE WALKER

The Return of the Living Dead series had some awesome women in it. My favourite in particular is Julie from #3. Julie is bitten and turns into a zombie as a movie progresses, but to fight loosing her humanity she does some...modifications. To me they only made her look more amazing. Because the pain kept her human, she had little choice in the matter. But she sure knew how to place the mods! 

I'd ask her to dance but I might get some of those sharp bits caught on my tender flesh.

#1 DREN

Dren is this unique little human-hybrid creature from the movie Splice. She starts off as this adorable critter, with bizarre features that draw the audience in. Our curiously about what she is only matches her curiosity about the world. She quickly grows up though. She goes from this...

into this...her male form: 

AWESOME. 

Dren is a spectaluar creature to me, not just for her gender switching abilities. She has a delicate side to her, as well as the vicious animal side. I love the questions Dren leaves me with, as well as how I can't take my eyes off her when she's on screen.

There is nothing more attractive than someone who challenges you.

So ladies, will you be my bloody Valentine? My husband won't mind. Just try to not get too many teeth marks on my heart. It regenerates slowly these days.

Needful Things: Kweeny's New Toy!

So I got a late Christmas gift yesterday that has become my new favourite shinny! I thought I'd show it off for you guys, since I'm all stupid happy about it:

Meet my new baby Jub Jub! Jub Jub is a Nook Tablet, and can do all sorts of kick ass shit, like read books, play games, surf the net, and watch TV!

It's like having a little mini computer! The screen actually has an amazing picture display, but I have been touching it a lot with my meaty fingers. I'm just smearing my scent on it so people know it's mine! Also, the camera doesn't seem to want to focus on the screen. Oh well.

Yeah, my first downloads on the thing were not books. Nope. I bought ANGRY BIRDS first. Why? Because I love that stupid game. It gives me something to trash-talk when I am on the bus or hanging out at a friends. "Stupid pigs! Why won't you die? ARGH!!!!" I plan to purchase some books real soon for it, and already installed books I had lying around on my laptop.

As you can see, me and Jub Jub are getting along fine. And it tastes kinda bland, but I didn't buy it for it's flavor. I bought it so I could have something compact I could travel with that does most of what my laptop does. The only thing I wouldn't do on it is play my Steam games and write. That's what Dark Phoenix is for.

---

NOTE: I name my electronics. Hell, I pretty much name everything. Jub Jub was the first name that came to me when I saw my Nook. And Dark Phoenix is a crotchety old computer who could live through a nuke going off. She's not pretty by any means, but she's tough for her age. Hence why I have Jub Jub now. So she can have a break once in a while and let the youngen take over. :)

Monster Mavens: Ginger (Snaps)

For those just tuning in, I am going to be blogging every Sunday in February for the Women in Horror Month. So I am reviving my Monster Mavens section I neglected during the holiday season. Every Sunday check out posts on everything from woman portraying powerful female monsters/characters, to interviewing women in the horror genre.

Personally, I made my Monster Mavens section for this reason: To discuss the women that impact horror. And while I do a few interviews and showcases of several talented women in the genre, I also alternate with showcases of monstrous women icons. I’m not one to cheer on the victims in horror, and most times women are portrayed as victims. Nor do I care about the heroines. I’m all about the villains, the monsters, the misunderstood outcasts. They are my people. Always have been, always will be. I think this falls in line with the mission of WIHM. I am empowered by monsters, and woman who portray the darkness in the human heart. I think they are underrated. My goal is to bring more of a spotlight on them.

I thought we'd start things off with a post about one of my favourite Monster Mavens. The lovely and brutal Ginger from the movie Ginger Snaps.

She is to me, the best example of the darkness that can lurk in a woman's heart. Some girls don't fit into society's version of what it means to be a girl. They are too wild. Too primal. Too sexual. Too much of everything. Their very existence mocks the stereotypes of what it means to be female. Ginger is this and more, because the "curse" she is inflicted with is one born deeper than just her "moontime".

I love werewolves. By now you readers have probably realized this. I dig all monsters, but out of all of them I relate to the werewolf. I see my dark side as a kind of werewolf beast, a creature that if I let it loose would devour everything and anything in sight. Some people have more elegant darkness. A darkness that can masquerade better in human flesh, and they have a charm all their own for sure. But I know what I am, and so I embrace the inner werebeast within. Which is why I enjoy the cathartic release I get when I watch Ginger change. Plus, female werewolves tend to be more aggressive than the males. Watching Ginger transform is exhilarating, frightening, and torturous. A dark mirror of the horrors of puberty.

"It feels so... good, Brigitte. It's like touching yourself. You know every move... right on the fucking dot. And after, you see fucking fireworks. Supernovas. I'm a goddamn force of nature. I feel like I could do just about anything."

Her transformation is very moving for me throughout the film. She starts off as a freaky, disturbed teenager, which I was once in my youth. You see her and her sister Brigitte take amazing photos of faked deaths they did for a school project, and you get glimpses of their twisted relationship. Things change once Ginger gets her first period, but the same day she gets her period, she is attacked by a werewolf. So instead of cramps and bloating, she gets "strange hairs" and a hunger to tear living things to pieces.

Katherine Isabelle is an amazing actress. She's beautiful, and has an exotic quality that makes her prefect for a lady werewolf. She plays Ginger with all the intensity of a backdraft, and never lets up. If anything, as things progress and the wolf takes over, Ginger becomes a frightening, sexual creature that is more predator than human. The rage she has just boiling on the surface when she was human explodes out of her in violent, gory torrents. The ending is tragic for her, because as with most werewolf tales, the beast does too much damage and must be put down.

The thing that really moves me about this film is that the werewolf is used as an expression of the repressed wild within women. Ginger is just another monster born from it. She isn't willing to hide her primal side, especially after the change, and it becomes such a destructive force it ruins her. Was there really any other outcome for her once she became fully a wolf? Not likely. But the film isn't about answering such questions. The film, and Ginger herself, are there to make you think about the questions. To make you wonder.

Ginger Snaps is the first of three movies. It's my favourite of the trilogy, but the second movie isn't bad either. Brigitte's struggle with the wolf curse is also very intoxicating. But the third movie is the weaker of the series. Do check them out though. They are good Canadian cinema.

Kweeny and the WIHM

Hey gang! I am very excited to announce that I have been approved as an official "event" for the Women in Horror Month! Okay not exactly ME, but my blog column "Monster Mavens" is the event in question. I plan to be updating it every Sunday during February! Huzzah!

I am mighty happy and proud to be a part of this event. So stay tuned for Monster Maven love all this month.

Genre Talk: Posters That Lie

*Removes a hook from her face* So I'm just hanging around here, on my Hell cruise, and while Pinhead was rearranging my face, I thought to myself, "You know, it would be nice if the horror movies we watch were as cool as some of the posters out there. Some posters are really bitchen! I go see the movie though, and it's complete crapola!"

These thoughts gave me an idea. So when the cenobites went on their coffee break I took the time to share my thoughts with you and post them here. I'm just that kind of person. 

Here is a list I complied of some of the posters I have ever been suckered by. Posters that lead me to believe in monsters, only to find the worst pieces of garbage ever liposuctioned out of film. I'm sure this wont effect the world any, and horror movies will continue to produce crap clothed in Armani posters, but it will make me feel better to rant about it. And to hopefully start some bitch fests with my favourite horror peeps, you readers. 

Let's start with this little shit nugget. Check out that sleek, sexy cover. The name even sounds great right? Skin Walkers. Sounds bad ass. And it should be bad ass. It's about werewolves. Werewolves are bad ass! But this movie falls flat. It's not nearly as impressive as this poster. It's a rambling mess of half baked werewolf lore. Which makes a Wolf-lover like me cry. One single, manly tear.

And here we have exhibit #2. The Happening had NOTHING happening. The poster looks great though doesn't it? Like some crazy Apocalypse shit going on. It even starts off kinda interesting, but then it gets stupid real fast. Once you find out what the big bad is, you loose all faith in the movie. Trust me.

Here we have The Unborn, which had so much potential but failed miserably. Look at this AWESOME poster though right? The movie is FULL of scenes that almost rock, but then the wooden acting, the lazy story telling just gets to you. And this has Gary Oldman! Even HE couldn't save this film.

This creepy looking kid has eyes that scream tortured soul. Don't you agree? Too bad Insidious is insidiously crappy. It starts off pretty cool too. Creepy haunted house stuff, very good pacing. Then it's like some other writer took the script and changed the whole story. Next thing you know, there's a stupid Darth Maul ghost-demon, and they have to battle it in the other world. Ugh. Ridiculous. But the poster is creepy and moody. 

Another masked killer, but he has a bitchen mask right? And his weapon looks nasty. Cromeskull is not a franchise of deep introspection, and the poster doesn't try to convince otherwise. But it does make the masked killer look really fucking cool. And in fact, he's lame. There is nothing interesting about him. He's a flat character, and this second installment doesn't give much in the way of reason or explanation. But hell, there is gore and lots of it. 

This is a remake of an Asian horror, and like most American remakes of Asian horror, they suck. HUGE BALLS. One Missed Call is yet again another watered down interpretation of something much more fucking scary through the eyes of those who made it originally. But damn, look at this poster? Creepy fucking shit.

And those are just a few of my choices. Damn the posters and their awesome advertising power! I'm a sucker for a good poster. What are some posters you've been suckered by? Let's share the misery, before Pinhead gets back and uses my head as a pinata.