Halloween Countdown: Kweeny Visits Fright Town!

Last night I got to experience a haunted house attraction that's pretty famous in Portland. Famous enough Rue Morgue reviewed it! My friends got together and for a "Halloween gift" got a bunch of us tickets to Fright Town! We got some photos at the event, not much as you can't take pictures inside the haunted houses, but I snapped a couple. Also, we got some professional ones done by Ice Wolf Photography, and those should be viewable on Facebook in the next few days.

The big question is: What did I think of my experience?

Well, there are three main "attractions" in Fright Town, as well as a "ride" they call The Last Ride, were you get to lie inside a coffin they rigged up. I'll start with the ride first because it isn't as complex as the attractions.

So The Last Ride as I said is a coffin rigged up. You crawl inside, and there is a tiny camera with a filter so people can see you in the dark when the lid is closed. On a couple big screens everyone in Fright Town can watch you scream, laugh, or in my case, just smile like some psycho as I relaxed to the sounds of ghouls taking my coffin on a ride in a hearse, then drop me 6 feet under in a grave. What can I say? I love coffins. I found it a peaceful experience. I'm a weirdo like that.

The first attraction we went inside was I guess what I would call "Evil Clown and Doll Land", but they call The House of Horrors. FUCK THE EVIL CLOWNS! FUCK THEM SO MUCH! They had this creepy mother-fucking-spider-evil-clown-eye-bitchface. Seriously, they were friggen creepy, and they were the WARM UP SHIT. UGH, I hate evil clowns. It was also a little shorter than the other houses, with not as many scares, just creepy fucking dolls and clowns. (Lord Bearington says this attraction had the best static props. Later attractions had more moving props.)

Next was the attraction they called The Contagion. It was zombie-themed, and really detailed. In Contagion my friend Nikki acted like a zombie just to make herself feel better because she was pretty creeped out. She says it worked and they left her alone for the first part. *chuckles* The second part of this attraction was petty awesome and freaky. They had some neat moving props, and the one jump scare that got me in that one was the DAMN CAR! This car at the end comes out and tries to freak you out by almost hitting you. I seriously thought it was gonna. So many awesome set pieces in this one, with awesome zombie outbreak stuff.

Last, but certainly not least is what I will call "HOLY SHIT MY PANTS TIME". It was the mad-science-serial-killer attraction, where the ticket taker was even dressed as a crazy serial killer with these knives that actually looked sharp and gave off sparks as he "sharpened" them. It was by far, the BEST of them all. It had the best scares, the best creepy shit. I hate when I get trapped in the dark, and of course, this one had darkness, and an electrified wall, so when I freaked in the dark I touched it and freaked out MORE. And some fucking crazy monster people liked to jump out behind people to scare them, and that got me every time. I saw a guy in a pig mask in there and in a giddy voice I said, "Yay Saw!"

Yeah, I'm a dork.

The atmosphere is great, and even while you are waiting in line, creepy clowns on stilts come up to you and ask, "Are you having fun yet?" and zombies wander to the washroom with you. (Nikki would like to comment that she was pleased there were no lines for the bathroom. No waiting to pee! No waiting for tickets or to get in, and the lines for the attractions went real fast.) I got out of the bathroom at one point and stared down a zombie. It was also a fairly clean place too, and I could tell they cared about how things look.

I even got a nice creepy chainsaw guy to pose with Nikki and I  for a picture:

Honorable mentions: Nikki would like to give props to the zombie that followed her down the hall, until she finally ran past me, screaming like a girly and yelling, "Fuck that zombie!"

Lord Bearington would like to give props to the props themselves for being so detailed, creepy, and imaginative.

Sean would like to give props to both the guys who were "curators" of the weird mystery museum. They had their characters down! 

We broke one of our friend's Haunted House Cherries that night. Congrats Robert! You are now an official Creepy Kid! Collect your soggy panties on your way out of FRIGHT TOWN!