HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM KWEENY AND FRIENDS!

Hope your Creepmas was wonderful! From all of us here in the Gory Kingdom, we wish you glad tidings! Even Geoffrey the snake has a little holiday greeting for you:

Kweeny Goes Walking in a Winter Wonderland

It snowed a little in Oregon today, which tends to bring mixed feelings for the people who live here. For me, I celebrate when it does, because I know it's rare and wont last. It lingers long enough for me to still find it beautiful and fun! Because having snow for half a day is much more pleasant than having it for 4-6 months, heavy and unrelenting. 

Perspective is a funny thing. Some of my Oregon friends are actually kinda scared of the snow. I suppose I can understand that if it's not something you've lived with your entire life. It's especially upsetting if they can't handle functioning in it, even if a part of me wants to roll my eyes at their whining. It's snow people. It won't kill you. It's not like a Tsunami has hit the city. It's not even what I could consider an intense snowfall. It was a lovely soft dusting of wet, packing snow. Easy to shape! Perfect for snowmen and snowballs!

One of my friends decided we should enjoy this snow while it lasts. So we decided to go out tonight in the graveyard and go walking. Sadly, by the time we got out most of the snow was gone, but I did get some neat winter pictures out of it. Winter is very different here in Oregon. It just feels different than back home in Canada. I like it, because it is temporary. I can appreciate the idea of walking in a graveyard with melting snow. Seems... appropriate. Though I do miss going to graveyards covered in dense, thick snow. Nothing quite like that experience! Anyhow, here are some neat pictures I took tonight:

The snow may be melting away, the the graves are still lovely.

I love how individual tombstones are. Just like the people buried there.

I have to admit, this was my favourite tombstone .

It had these interesting markings on it. A Viking helmet maybe?

I decided to show it some love. 

Jen trying to read the graves.

This statue was really interesting.

The marker for the statue.

My camera took a few of these weird images. I thought they were neat so I had to show you guys.

Oooo mysterious! Spirits perhaps? Or just the wind picking up flurries...

MERRY CREEPMAS!

Ah Creepmas. It always sad when the countdown's over, but I am glad I participated. It always cheers me up just a little to play along. It makes the holidays a little more darker and fun. It reminds me of how holidays should be. Full of creativity, community, and a sense of kinship. I can get really down this time of year, but Creepmas is just what I need to remind me I am not alone. I have even spread "cheer" to some of my friends and readers, and that makes me happy. I like when I can spread my special brand of...joy...to others.

I decided for the last day to have my awesome readers help me send off the final day in style. I asked them to send me some creepy pictures that made them think of the holiday. A few people participated, and maybe next year more will join in. Thank you to those of you who put your creepy two cents in! It feels like we are celebrating the holiday spirit together. :D

So here's a collection of Creepies to end the blogathon on! 

I can really dig this nutcracker...a grave!

I love this for an idea! A skeleton tree! YES! Must try and find a good skeleton for next year...

An army of creepy Santas:

A couple evil snowmen:

My favourite holiday demon! Krampus:

And lastly, this funny image that really does capture how I feel about Christmas tunes in malls:

Thank you all who sent me these awesome images! MERRY CREEPMAS BOILS AND GHOULS! I really do hope you have a lovely holiday full of warmth, love and fun! 

Creepmas Day 12: Krampus Has A Little Helper?

ON THE TWELFTH DAY OF CREEPMAS MY MONSTERS GIVE TO YOU:

I was thinking, which I know isn't really a good thing half the time as that usually leads to me doing something either stupid, destructive, or crazy, but epiphanies come as they may...

Since Krampus is late for his visit with me, (which I am disappointed in him for. Seriously, who else is EAGER to have him visit like I am?) I started wondering if he had a little helper. You know, like Santa has those annoying, do-gooder elves. They are kinda creepy in their own right...

Shouldn't KRAMPUS have a little helper? I mean, he has to be busy this time of year. I think Santa is needing his free-loading elves less and less, and Krampus is needing help more. There are just too many bad children! I see them all the time. They have more electronics than I do and yet they have tantrums because they can't have the latest X-box-iPad thing! It's crazy! Krampus has to be overworked, which explains why he's late for his visit this year.

He needs help. So I have taken it upon myself to show him I would be PREFECT as a little helper! I'm evil, possessed by a demon barber, and I hate most children! I would love to help him punish all those spoiled brats who cannot appreciate they have loving homes!

So all you little brats out there...watch out! Krampus has a little helper. And she has a sharp razor!

Creepmas 11: Kweeny's Favourite Creepy Holiday Movie Characters

ON THE ELEVENTH DAY OF CREEPMAS MY MONSTERS GIVE TO YOU:

What the heck, I haven't done a list in a while! And it is the season to be festive. What better way to be festive than to watch some films! I love watching movies, and there are some weird, creepy, and downright cool characters out there in holiday land...

KWEENY'S FAVOURITE HOLIDAY MOVIE CHARACTERS

Let's start with the obvious: Sally and Jack from Nightmare Before Christmas! I pretty much love all the characters in this, but Sally and Jack take the cake. They are so adorable and cute. Their is this innocence about their relationship, something so rare to find these days. I love how it unfolds, and I love the tenderness that transpires between them. It's not overly sexualized, but there is a sense of genuine love that they have for one another. It warms the romantic parts of my dark, black heart. 

Evil Santa from Santa's Slay. This movie is retarded holiday crap, but I love it. I love that they got a wrestler to play Santa. I love that he's a big, burly, Norse asshole who goes around killing people. For the performance alone, Evil Santa is worth watching. 

Ricky Cladwell from Silent Night Deadly Night 2!  This scene in particular  is one of my favourites. I laughed my ass off watching this movie. I know he's intended to be creepy and crazy, but mostly he's just silly and funny because of Freeman's performance. It's Garbage day mother fuckers!

The Gremlins from the original Gremlins film! It was a holiday film after all, but damn were those little critters creepy, weird and silly as hell! I love how they got into trouble. If you fed them after midnight, you had a huge mess on your hands. This movie was one of my fondest holiday memories. Can I have one as a pet?

The Grinch from The Grinch Who Stole Christmas! He has a disdain for the season that rivaled my own at the time I first watched this movie. I am kinda a grinch sometimes, but Creepmas cheers me up. I am glad I found Creepmas, so I don't have to steal children's gifts to make myself feel better that all I am getting for Christmas is coal and a paddling from Krampus!

 Scrooge from A Christmas Carol! I love this Charles Dickens tale, mostly because of this miserable old man! I haven't seen him in CGI (as this movie is a clip from that) but he sure looks creepy in it! There have been many adaptations of him, but as long as he is a horrible, grumpy man I am happy. I always kind of hated the ending of this one though. Happy endings bore me.

Yukon Cornelius from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer! To be fair, a lot of characters in Rankin Bass's holiday stuff are CREEPY AS HELL. But this guy...he just keeps licking his pick axe. IT WEIRDS ME OUT EVEN NOW! I don't know why that is his super power or why he can wrestle yeti's and shit, but I don't wanna know. I just hope he never tries to lick me. I'd go screaming for the hills.

Creepmas Day 10: Mad Jester's Letter to Santa

ON THE TENTH DAY OF CREEPMAS MY MONSTERS GIVE TO YOU:

It's nice that the crew here in the Gory Kingdom are filled with such...holiday spirit. And possibly alcoholic egg nog. Hell, Mad Jester wrote me a little something to share with you folks, and of course Santa. This once the fat fuck is going to want to read my blog. I think MJ insists on it...

Dear Santa,

I know I haven't been a good boy. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I'm sure that, even with all the apologies to the folks at the mall, even after returning the animals to the petting zoo, that my slate is still far from clean. I understand that- getting on the 'Nice' side of your ledger has never really been high on my list of priorities.

Your sanctimonious judgment of mankind from your gingerbread tower on high will likely never be leveled in my favour. Not after the present I left for the staff at St. Steve's, anyway- and certainly not after I hogtied one of your mall-helpers and left him gagged in the elevator shaft while I did donuts in the parking lot with his car. (In my defense, I let that one live.) I've resigned myself to knowing you'll never look on me with approving eyes. And normally, that's not an issue.

However, this year there are some mitigating circumstances I'd like to bring to your attention.

First off, for the first time in a long while, I find myself, not just in want, but in need of something. See, I've found a nifty way to feed my personal demons with relatively little risk of harm to others, by which I of course mean writing for the blog.

The problem therein lies with the fact that my computer (okay, if we're going to quibble, 'the computer I carried out when I was done at the Caliuda family's place') is no longer functioning up to snuff. It overheats at the drop of a hat, it powers-off if the cord is so much as joggled a millimeter out of place, and it can't seem to hang on to an internet connection for longer than it takes to launch Firefox.

Needless to say, this is most thoroughly vexing. Frustrating. Infuriating.

Maddening. (The act of becoming John Madden? Shut up, you.)

When I don't have a working computer, then I can't write for the blog. If I can't write, then the urges come back. When the urges come back, I do the sort of things that get me put in certain quasi-deities' literal bad books, if you follow.

And if you don't follow, just ask Mrs. Claus to explain it to you. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Oh, did you not get a reply? I think I might know something about that.

See, I know I have no reasonable expectation of getting a new computer for Christmas under normal circumstances. I know my name's on the 'Naughty' list in permanent ink. But the way I see it, you haven't been in business for as many centuries as you have by being a stupid man. I'm sure you can be coaxed into overlooking that minor clerical matter, given suitable inducement.

So how 'bout it, Nick? You've got something I want: a new computer. I've got something you want: your wife.

In my basement.

By the table saw.

You have until midnight December 22nd to give me your answer, before Mrs. Claus comes home... in a series of sandwich bags.

Season's greetings!

Love,
Mad Jester

PS. Don't bother going for help. The Easter Bunny already knows not to cross me.

Creepmas Day 09: The Gory Kingdom's Wish List

ON THE NINTH DAY OF CREEPMAS MY MONSTERS GIVE TO YOU:

Ah it's that time of year again. When your family bugs you for a "Christmas" list and you have to try and figure out what you want. Well, normal people's families do that. Not around here in the Gory Kingdom! Kweeny rules and thus she wants Creepy Creepmas Wish Lists from her minions! And I will now do the evil madness with them! OH SO MUCH EVIL!

*begins typing*

*hits publish*

*cackles evilly*

For your entertainment I and the other contributors of this blog have decided to post our Wish Lists, so that you can judge us on our greed! HUZZAH!

Because the reason for the season is to go more in debt and have stuff right? *scratches chin* I was sure Santa's evil plans were to make us all more greedy...

Oh well. I LIKE SHINY THINGS SO LET'S GET STARTED!

THE GORY KINGDOM'S WISH LIST FOR THE HOLIDAYS!

Kweeny's Wishes:

A Haunted Castle: 

I just think a haunted castle would be a neat thing to have. I have always wanted my own castle, I am a Queen after all, and a Kweeny should live in a castle. But a normal castle would bore me. And having that many rooms I would want them filled somehow. Lord Bearington is a big bear, but he is only one bear. Ghosts would make the place very interesting and lively...in it's own way.

OTEPS New Album Hydra: 

This is going to be her last album. It comes out on January 22 2013, and I am super stoked. As she puts it, "HYDRA is a conceptual story. Each song is like a Fibonacci sequence, dependent upon the one before & after. It is theater of the mind. Open wide ....let me pollinate you." *Grabs her face and tries to open it wider to fit all the music*

The Major's Body From Ghost In The Shell: 

Not only is Ghost In The Shell one of the greats in Anime movies, it has a character I adore in it known as "The Major". Her brain has been transplanted into a cybernetic body, complete with cloaking, cybernetics in her brain, a smoking hot bod, other crazy implants and  the best part: she feels no pain, cold, heat, etc. I mean she literally rips her own arm off like it's taffy and doesn't even react! Yesss, to feel no pain would be delightful!

To Own The Event Horizon Ship:

 If you haven't seen this movie, do so! It's amazing! The whole premise is this ship goes into a wormhole and comes back wrong. Very wrong. It's all haunted and creepy stuff happens. It's been missing for 7 years, so when the crew that is sent to explore it goes inside, bad things happen. Very bad things.

I still want one. I'd make it a haunted attraction!

To Die In A Troma Movie: 

Just think about how cool that would be! I want my head to be crushed like a water melon, or to get blown up in a stalk footage car they use in every film, or to have my guts removed by naked zombie cheerleaders! It all sounds gory and fantastic to me!

Lord Bearington's Wishes:

A Lifetime Supply Of Pizza:

I have never, EVER, uttered the phrase, "Nah, I'm not in the mood for pizza."

A Teleporter:

I have friends and family all over the northern half of North America. I have no car. I have no money for plane fare. Travel takes time. This sounds like a job for BAMF!

All The Sushi:

I want all the sushi. All of it. Forever. Man I'm getting hungry. I should eat someone... *cough* I mean something...

A Cushy Job:

A nice cushy job where I tell people to optimize their synergy to maximize productivity while minimizing friction. In short, someone needs to pay me for spouting complete and utter ridiculous statements.

A Nice Day Of Camping:

Out in the wilderness, catching salmon with my bear paws. Maybe having a hiker for desert. Warming up by their campfire. You know, like the ancestors used to do before we figured out hiding in civilized society means less rusty traps.

Mad Jester's Wishes:

The Three Stooges:

At first, I was content with the Ultimate Collection box set. It's got all the classic shorts with the 'original' movie lineup of Larry, Moe and Curly. But then I remembered- Kweeny said to go BIG. So, big did I go, and I decided- I want the Three Stooges THEMSELVES. Rise from your graves, and perform slapstick comedy for my amusement! And since they're undead and can't feel pain, they'd be able to go all the harder to give me my yuks! Larry, Moe, and Curly, all for my very own! Shemp can come too- I don't like him as much as Curly, but he's pretty good. Don't come near me with that 'what about Joe?' shit, though, or I'll cut you like a Guatemalan pimp. Fuck Joe, that's what about Joe.

Oh, and speaking of cutting...

A Muramusa Sword:

Yep, a sword made by Sengo Muramasa in the 1500s. It was said of Sengo Muramasa that he "was a most skillful smith but a violent and ill-balanced mind verging on madness, that was supposed to have passed into his blades." They were popularly believed to have been cursed, instilling within their wielder an insatiable lust for blood, driving them to murder or suicide. Cursed objects seem to like me, so how would a blade like that react in the hands of Yours Madly, I wonder? Hmmm...

A Goddamn Arcade:

In my youth, a LOT of time was (mis)spent in seedy local arcades, pounding quarters into machines that gobbled them up with the ostentatious glee of a sideshow carnie. If you've never been in one, it's a very different experience from playing video games at home- it's noisy, hectic, occasionally smelly... but it's also exciting. It's like the difference between watching a baseball game at home, and watching it in the stands. With the big buttons and chunky control sticks, arcade machines somehow give a more... satisfying experience. I would love to have an arcade of my own- a big ol' two-story building, packed to the rafters with all my favourite coin-op games. Set a cot up for me in one corner, I'm HOME.

Whatever Else These Guys Do Next:

Last summer, in Tokyo, there was a COMPLETELY TITS-AWESOME event: the good folks at Scrap Inc. rented out an abandoned hospital and used it as the setting for a real-life survival-horror game. Participants played the role of U.N. investigators infected with a zombie virus, and had to use clues found in various rooms to find a vaccine and escape before the time runs out. Are you KIDDING?! "Say, MJ, you wanna go live in Resident Evil for a couple hours?" "Why, I certainly do, wish-granting genie with a poor grasp of the obvious! I certainly do!" So needless to say, whatever these mad geniuses are doing NEXT year, SEND ME TO JAPAN AND GIVE ME FOUR OF IT.

This Fucking Thing:

It's a painstaking recreation of Sweet Tooth's ice cream truck from Twisted Metal. It's got a steel cowcatcher and twin front-mounted chain guns! And a gigantic evil-clown bobblehead on top! If that thing has an actual freezer in the back, and a decent stereo system up front... shit, I'd marry it. No other vehicle I can think of packs so much of what I love into it. And I used to watch Pimp My Ride, so that's saying something. Drop a DVD player into that puppy, and ... mmm. I'll be in my bunk.

Kweeny: We don't wish for too much now do we?