Creepmas Day 09: The Gory Kingdom's Wish List

ON THE NINTH DAY OF CREEPMAS MY MONSTERS GIVE TO YOU:

Ah it's that time of year again. When your family bugs you for a "Christmas" list and you have to try and figure out what you want. Well, normal people's families do that. Not around here in the Gory Kingdom! Kweeny rules and thus she wants Creepy Creepmas Wish Lists from her minions! And I will now do the evil madness with them! OH SO MUCH EVIL!

*begins typing*

*hits publish*

*cackles evilly*

For your entertainment I and the other contributors of this blog have decided to post our Wish Lists, so that you can judge us on our greed! HUZZAH!

Because the reason for the season is to go more in debt and have stuff right? *scratches chin* I was sure Santa's evil plans were to make us all more greedy...

Oh well. I LIKE SHINY THINGS SO LET'S GET STARTED!

THE GORY KINGDOM'S WISH LIST FOR THE HOLIDAYS!

Kweeny's Wishes:

A Haunted Castle: 

I just think a haunted castle would be a neat thing to have. I have always wanted my own castle, I am a Queen after all, and a Kweeny should live in a castle. But a normal castle would bore me. And having that many rooms I would want them filled somehow. Lord Bearington is a big bear, but he is only one bear. Ghosts would make the place very interesting and lively...in it's own way.

OTEPS New Album Hydra: 

This is going to be her last album. It comes out on January 22 2013, and I am super stoked. As she puts it, "HYDRA is a conceptual story. Each song is like a Fibonacci sequence, dependent upon the one before & after. It is theater of the mind. Open wide ....let me pollinate you." *Grabs her face and tries to open it wider to fit all the music*

The Major's Body From Ghost In The Shell: 

Not only is Ghost In The Shell one of the greats in Anime movies, it has a character I adore in it known as "The Major". Her brain has been transplanted into a cybernetic body, complete with cloaking, cybernetics in her brain, a smoking hot bod, other crazy implants and  the best part: she feels no pain, cold, heat, etc. I mean she literally rips her own arm off like it's taffy and doesn't even react! Yesss, to feel no pain would be delightful!

To Own The Event Horizon Ship:

 If you haven't seen this movie, do so! It's amazing! The whole premise is this ship goes into a wormhole and comes back wrong. Very wrong. It's all haunted and creepy stuff happens. It's been missing for 7 years, so when the crew that is sent to explore it goes inside, bad things happen. Very bad things.

I still want one. I'd make it a haunted attraction!

To Die In A Troma Movie: 

Just think about how cool that would be! I want my head to be crushed like a water melon, or to get blown up in a stalk footage car they use in every film, or to have my guts removed by naked zombie cheerleaders! It all sounds gory and fantastic to me!

Lord Bearington's Wishes:

A Lifetime Supply Of Pizza:

I have never, EVER, uttered the phrase, "Nah, I'm not in the mood for pizza."

A Teleporter:

I have friends and family all over the northern half of North America. I have no car. I have no money for plane fare. Travel takes time. This sounds like a job for BAMF!

All The Sushi:

I want all the sushi. All of it. Forever. Man I'm getting hungry. I should eat someone... *cough* I mean something...

A Cushy Job:

A nice cushy job where I tell people to optimize their synergy to maximize productivity while minimizing friction. In short, someone needs to pay me for spouting complete and utter ridiculous statements.

A Nice Day Of Camping:

Out in the wilderness, catching salmon with my bear paws. Maybe having a hiker for desert. Warming up by their campfire. You know, like the ancestors used to do before we figured out hiding in civilized society means less rusty traps.

Mad Jester's Wishes:

The Three Stooges:

At first, I was content with the Ultimate Collection box set. It's got all the classic shorts with the 'original' movie lineup of Larry, Moe and Curly. But then I remembered- Kweeny said to go BIG. So, big did I go, and I decided- I want the Three Stooges THEMSELVES. Rise from your graves, and perform slapstick comedy for my amusement! And since they're undead and can't feel pain, they'd be able to go all the harder to give me my yuks! Larry, Moe, and Curly, all for my very own! Shemp can come too- I don't like him as much as Curly, but he's pretty good. Don't come near me with that 'what about Joe?' shit, though, or I'll cut you like a Guatemalan pimp. Fuck Joe, that's what about Joe.

Oh, and speaking of cutting...

A Muramusa Sword:

Yep, a sword made by Sengo Muramasa in the 1500s. It was said of Sengo Muramasa that he "was a most skillful smith but a violent and ill-balanced mind verging on madness, that was supposed to have passed into his blades." They were popularly believed to have been cursed, instilling within their wielder an insatiable lust for blood, driving them to murder or suicide. Cursed objects seem to like me, so how would a blade like that react in the hands of Yours Madly, I wonder? Hmmm...

A Goddamn Arcade:

In my youth, a LOT of time was (mis)spent in seedy local arcades, pounding quarters into machines that gobbled them up with the ostentatious glee of a sideshow carnie. If you've never been in one, it's a very different experience from playing video games at home- it's noisy, hectic, occasionally smelly... but it's also exciting. It's like the difference between watching a baseball game at home, and watching it in the stands. With the big buttons and chunky control sticks, arcade machines somehow give a more... satisfying experience. I would love to have an arcade of my own- a big ol' two-story building, packed to the rafters with all my favourite coin-op games. Set a cot up for me in one corner, I'm HOME.

Whatever Else These Guys Do Next:

Last summer, in Tokyo, there was a COMPLETELY TITS-AWESOME event: the good folks at Scrap Inc. rented out an abandoned hospital and used it as the setting for a real-life survival-horror game. Participants played the role of U.N. investigators infected with a zombie virus, and had to use clues found in various rooms to find a vaccine and escape before the time runs out. Are you KIDDING?! "Say, MJ, you wanna go live in Resident Evil for a couple hours?" "Why, I certainly do, wish-granting genie with a poor grasp of the obvious! I certainly do!" So needless to say, whatever these mad geniuses are doing NEXT year, SEND ME TO JAPAN AND GIVE ME FOUR OF IT.

This Fucking Thing:

It's a painstaking recreation of Sweet Tooth's ice cream truck from Twisted Metal. It's got a steel cowcatcher and twin front-mounted chain guns! And a gigantic evil-clown bobblehead on top! If that thing has an actual freezer in the back, and a decent stereo system up front... shit, I'd marry it. No other vehicle I can think of packs so much of what I love into it. And I used to watch Pimp My Ride, so that's saying something. Drop a DVD player into that puppy, and ... mmm. I'll be in my bunk.

Kweeny: We don't wish for too much now do we?