Maybe I Like My Edge Thanks: On
Being A Female Monster Kid
I like to affectionately refer to
myself as a monster kid. I have been fascinated with monsters as far
back as my first memories, probably because my first memories were horrible traumatic events. My actual first memory was the taste
of blood in my mouth. I grew up in a horribly abusive home life, so I
was surrounded by real life monsters walking around in human skins. I
learned fear before I ever learned what love was.
It is just a fact of my existence. I
don't claim all monster kids came to be such through the same means
as I did. I just came to it the hard way you might say.
I have embraced my dark curiosities
over time, and realized I am not alone. That there is a whole group
of people out there, horror fans, monster lovers, and shadow chasers
who love the same things I do. Everyone had different reasons for
being there, but we were hiding in the dark corners together. When we
looked around, there were many eyes looking back at us that
understood.
I have loved all kinds of monsters and
favored different kinds depending where I was in life, but I have to
say, the one I kept coming back to over and over was the werewolf. I
had a love affair with vampires during puberty, had a zombie period
in my early 20's, and off and on keep having a fling with the
Frankenstein's monster because I just adore his tragic story. But
werewolves have always been my first love, and the one I relate to
personally the most. A lot of monster kids have a favorite monster
they feel personally touched their lives, and for me, it was
werewolves. The struggle with being trapped between the worlds of
beast and beauty makes sense to me. I grew up a very aggressive girl,
who was too much of a fighter for her own good. Somewhere during
puberty I snapped, and let a torrent of rage out on my abusers, then
out into the world when I ran away from home. It took me years before
I calmed down and tried to revert to human form again. I was pretty
much like a werewolf in the throws of the full moon. I will never
forget what that felt like, to be full of wild passion that felt like
it was literally ripping my body and soul apart.
Sadly, there are not a lot of female
werewolf stories to use as references, especially on film. While I
watched every werewolf film I could get my hands on, I longed for
more female beast ladies. Cat People was not enough for me, as
I was not able to relate to cats. When I change, I am more furious
and messy. I find cats are more graceful killers, and even though Cat
People is a good movie, it lacked the viciousness wolves have. Cat
People (both movies) tend to portray the shifter as sexy in a way I
just wasn't able to relate to. It seemed too stereotypical. Some
women are the sultry kind of sexy, but I am more like Ginger
in Ginger Snaps when she shoves her fist into the janitor, “It
feels so... good, Brigitte. It's like touching yourself. You know
every move... right on the fucking dot. And after, you see fucking
fireworks. Supernovas. I'm a goddamn force of nature. I feel like I
could do just about anything.”
That is a kind of sexy I can sink my
teeth into.
It took me a lot of digging to find out
where the first female werewolf is shown on screen, and I was happy
when I found the black and white classic Cry of the Werewolf
(1944). Like a
lot of werewolf films of the time, Cry of the Wolf is pretty hammy.
But there is a certain charm to the black and white films of that
time period that makes the silliness of it wonderful to watch.
But
if you were to ask me what my favorite representation of the female
werewolf is on film I would have to tell you it is Ginger
Snaps (2000). I
was finally given a werewolf story that understood me as a female
monster kid. This film captured
everything I needed to see on screen. From the horrors of becoming a
woman, (and to me, having my period is a horrific experience. I call
it my monstrous moontime for a reason) to the transformations Ginger
goes through when she changes into a wolf, from the strange and
wonderful relationship the two sisters have together. I love how they
were just weird, creepy girls who stood out from the crowd and got
picked on for being so. How they were fascinated with horror, like I
am, and just wanted to be allowed to be so. Their school project made
me laugh and clap because I DID shit like that as a kid. I made art
projects that disgusted my teachers, who treated me like I was broken
in the head when really I was just expressing myself. These girls
were just weirdos. PERIOD. Their mother was a bit smothering and
their father didn't care enough, but despite that they would still be
weird just because they honestly are. No matter what society
might say, some of us ladies drawn to the monsters are actually drawn
to them because we like monsters! The reason we love it
doesn't really matter. The horror of everyday life just becomes more
manageable when we have an outlet to express the darkness we see.
Ginger
Snaps also put words to horrors that are very feminine, without
excuses. I love Ginger telling B off in the drug store, “Just
so you know... the words "just"
and "cramps,"
they don't go together...” It made me howl out loud! Because I am one
of those percentage of women who do have horrible things happen to
her body during her moontime. “Just”
and “cramps”
don't cover it for me. I am sometimes literally crippled in pain
because I get cysts and other nastiness that goes on in my body. And as women, we are taught to not talk about these things. Some of us are trained to suffer in silence. And here was a horror movie
that both lovingly poked fun at that kind of shit and also said,
“Hey, this happens. Deal with it.”
I
enjoy body horror that relates to the female body. I NEED body horror
that does. Because like a lot of horror fans, we watch horror to face
things that we might fear, or are disgusted by, or that just
fascinate us. And lots of horrific things happen to women all the
time. I need films about monster babies tearing themselves out of
women, or vagina dentatas, or the horror of mensuration. Because damn
it, those are MY fears. Being a women is fucking scary sometimes.
And
this is why I love Ginger Snaps. Not only did I get a movie that
dealt with the horrors of being a werewolf and that feral passion
they possess, but it was a WOMAN viscerally dealing with it. With two
female leads coping with the change, trying to stay sisters
throughout the film. Right down to the bitter, bloody end. The makers
of this film knew the tropes they are playing with. They knew the
statements they are trying to make. They even point out the flaws a
lot of horror movies play into when women are used in films. Ginger
herself says, “A girl can only be a slut, a bitch, a tease, or the
virgin next door.”
Well
Ginger and Bridgette are more than these flimsy tropes.
We
need movies like this. Movies that deal with the horror and beauty of
female monsters. That show the struggles we endure when our monsters
are exposed to the light. I want to see more movies like Ginger Snaps
made, even if I have to find a way to make one myself. This is partly
why I wrote Red Handed, and why I hope to get it off the ground. I
wanted to bring the werewolf back, and put my own spin on it.
I'm
a werewolf monster kid, and I am proud of my changes. Even the ugly
ones.
Lovely post, I have a fondness for gingersnaps too.
ReplyDeleteThanks! It is one of my favorite movies. :)
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