So I've been reading a lot of different reviews of the second Human Centipede movie, and while I'm still not sure if I wanna see it, I did see the original. Perhaps when I get around to it, I will do a review of both movies if the mood strikes me. But this post is about something else. Related, but only because it is also about being sewn ass-to-mouth together...
In my wanderings on the internet I stumbled across something pretty fucked up. Awesome, but seriously whacked. It's something I could think to do if I was hyper on too much sugar, or if I drank too much. I could see myself having a dream like this after watching the original Human Centipede. Sometimes my mind is cracked like that. I once thought of writing an entire musical version of Nightmare on Elm Street. For real guys. But for once, I didn't think of it! This weird ass shit (HAHAHA! "Ass Shit" get it?) was someone else's idea, and it was REALIZED. Usually people talk me down from my dumb ideas.
Let me show you the magic that is The Human Centipide: The Musical. You can thank me later.
I hope that amused you. I kinda love it actually. It reminds me of Cannibal: The Musical, which I also love. Maybe it's because I am a musical lover. Maybe it's because it's a crazy, out-there concept. Maybe it's because the songs get stuck in my head. Or maybe, it's because I love when crazy ideas I'd think of in a moment of inspired madness are made realized by someone else, because everyone tries to dissolve mine. I suppose they don't want me to create monsters. But monsters are AWESOME!
Now I got the songs stuck in my head...I need more cold and flu drugs obviously.
Today is a special day. It's known as Guy Fawkes day, named after a famous conspirator who told the English government off with gunpowder and explosions. But besides that, it's also the anniversary of me and Bear's relationship. We chose long ago before we even got married, that even if we forgot every other anniversary, we would celebrate our love on this day. Why would we choose this day out of any other day?
There are many reasons. One is because of the movie V for Vendetta. It's one of our favourite movies. Not horror mind you, but not all things we love have to be. This scene most of all is the reason why we celebrate our love on this day:
Bear is my roses. I fought through bureaucratic hell to be with him. To be where we are now. And we will apologize to no one for our love.
Yes, V is also based off a comic by Alan Moore, who I am a big fangirl of. I love that crazy man. He's a fucking magician, full of inspiring ideas. Ideas are important. One of the ideas is something Guy Fawkes was trying to convey with his rebellion. We need to stand up and say no when things are wrong in our lives. When people try to take our power away. We need to be inspired as people to live our lives with integrity. Ideas matter. Ideas, like the ones expressed in the above video. To me and Bear Guy Fawkes day is about ideas. Ideas live on after the flesh dies. Ideas make us better people, and make us stand up for things that matter. Ideas can also poison. They are powerful, and they are most certainly bulletproof.
Throughout our entire relationship Bear would send me roses in many forms. To remind me of our love. That no matter the distance, no matter the obstacles placed before us, we would be together. That they couldn't take away that last inch. When you care for something that much, no one can destroy it. That piece of you that is integral to who you are can only die if you let it.
So to celebrate in pure geek style I woke up to my husband cleaning the house and this cute little two-person cake he got made for us by one of his co-workers:
It was SO YUMMY! Moist and delicious chocolate cake, handmade by someone who just likes to make cakes! NOM NOM NOM! We munched on this little desert while we watched V and cuddled. Our roomie was even sweet and brought home a card for us.
We've been married for 2 years and known each other for longer. He's my best friend, my partner in crime and my soulmate. I love you baby! I hope we have many more years of roses together.
Been fighting off the plague for the last few days, and while I am still looking like the living dead, I'm bored. I'm dangerous when I'm bored. I'm one of those people that if I am forced into boredom somehow you better hope I entertain myself creatively, or else something will be set on fire. Probably with my mind. Carrie's got nothing on me. I was a fire-starter in my diapers.
I am at the point of my sickness where I am too sick to be useful in the real world, but not sick enough to enjoy staring at the ceiling for hours on end in a sweaty, feverish daze, hoping unconsciousness brings me wild dreams of dripping gum-drop skies and purple clouds of cotton candy. I tell you, fever dreams/hallucinations are way better than drugs. Also, scarier depending on the drug and fever.
But hopefully I am just sick enough to write an entertaining and interesting post on what I like to think of as the rockstar of the Wicked Weapons collection so far: The Chainsaw.
Why would I compare the chainsaw to a rockstar? Think about this: Rockstars are loud, messy, attention seeking showboats that once they walk on stage, you can't help but stare at them. So is the chainsaw, and anyone who wields a chainsaw for killing is pretty much in the rockstar category. Except they are bastards who kill people. The thing about the chainsaw is you are not gonna use it to kill if you want to be quiet, sneaky, efficient or careful. You don't see killers like Dexter Morgan using a chainsaw. The chainsaw is all about the show! It's gory, it's in your face, (sometimes literally) and there is no way to ignore it's presence. Some people even like to dance with their blades.
Ah Leatherface. You are such a Rockstar...
Anyhow, the weapon like most I have featured in this section is made to be used as a tool. It's a saw blade made portable, has an engine that needs feeding, and they were made primarily for chopping trees and cutting wood. They have cutting chains that look like bicycle chain that guide the little saw blade teeth into the wood. Because of that mighty little engine attached to it, the chain feeds the teeth around and around swiftly, making short work out of anything that dares to come into contact with it. It can't cut into everything, but I bet it will sure make a mess trying to. The thing is hefty too, and while you can get smaller models that are easier to carry around, they are still rather graceless. A chainsaws job is not delicate work. It's here to fuck your shit up just the way you like it. And to give you a loud ringing in your ears after the concert is done.
So anyone who uses this as his weapon is saying the following things to you: I dont give a shit. I'm Charlie-fucking-Sheen and I am gonna kill your ass with nasty, clumsy finesse and people will still think I am the bad ass of murderers! WINNING! I carry this big heavy thing around like a sword, and swing it like a bat at your face! And when it hits, they will know my mark, because it will be HUGE and brutal! I am totally metal! RAWR.
Two kinds of people use a chainsaw to kill: The ones who don't give a flying fuck and are insane, and the ones who think they are rockstars and need us all to know their penis is too small to use more creative and less annoyingly loud weapons.
As you can probably guess, I'm not a chainsaw fan. I do appreciate the mess they make, and it was kinda cool when Ash from Evil Dead made his chainsaw hand attachment (but Bruce Campbell can make anything look cool) but otherwise I just think they are less effective than other weapons out there. They are loud. They give away a killers placement. They are heavy and cumbersome. They are hard to dispose of. There is just so many things wrong with them and not enough cool things that are right. I love the messy gore they can create, but otherwise they don't do it for me.
But that doesn't mean they don't deserve a place of honor in my Wicked Weapons section. Hence why I have posted about them. Now I will show you a few of the movies that showcase the blade, as is tradition. It's a pretty popular weapon, despite it's awkwardness.
Remember how I said there are two types of people who use chainsaws for killing? This movie showcases the first with the insanity that is Texas Chainsaw Massacre. This movie is one of the most disturbing movies I ever saw with chainsaws. It's just a fucked up film. It spawned a bunch of messed up sequels, but they were never as good and as creeptastic as the first film was. All you need in crazy with chainsaws is right here folks.
Now for the second category I present you with Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness. Here we have lovable, arrogant Ashley, who is stuck with a girls name and needs to prove his manliness. So he slays his possessed friends by cutting the bastards up with a chainsaw. It's hilarious and awesome to watch. It really is. But you know he's working out that "rock star from mars" angst while he's doing it. The guy has issues. When he finally gives his girlfriend that cheesy necklace, I couldn't help but think he gave her that magnifying glass trinket so she could find his wee wee. But he sure found his wee wee now huh kids! Just pull the cord and let her riiiiip!
How about one more for the road! I present to you both insane and a rockstar (like most are) in the form of American Psycho. I love this movie on so many levels. Patrick Bateman has money, is sexy, does whatever the hell he wants and is out of his pretty little mind. And he brings some chainsaw love back as he walks the runway with his stylish new accessory. How scandalous!
While I know there are more awesome chainsaw flicks out there, I am spent folks. But I hope this look at the chainsaw entertained you. Feel free to share with me more of your favourite chainsaw-loving flicks, and to tell me off if you think I don't quite get the misunderstood chainsaw. I like the banter. It keeps the fever at bay.
I need more Orange Juice and NyQuil, but before I go drug myself into a coma I have one more little thing to share...
I GOT ANOTHER BLOG AWARD! YAY!
The lovely and coveted Zombie Rabbit Award!
Holly from Holly's Horrorland nominated me! I love her blog. She is one of many I have put on my new blogroll I made in the last couple weeks. *tilts head to the right in case you didn't notice* I figured I needed a blogroll to try and post more replies to people's entries in their own blogs. I am so bad at it, and now I have the blogroll as a handy reminder. So I can keep tabs on the peeps I like. Plus it shows people I like the cut of their jibs.
Speaking of, there are rules and shit to this award. Can I navigate rules in my current half-dead state? I shall try...
The Rules:
01.) Give the award up to 10 who you like,
but give a couple the "Next Blog" slider button on top...
so random blogger people can feel the love from a stranger.
[I have to agree with Holly's statement here about not knowing what the heck this means. Maybe I'm too stoned on NyQuil. Maybe I am seeing the drippy gum-drop spots in front of my eyes. I dunno. I like people. I'll pick Ten and let them fight for the limbs off this rotted bunny for themselves! Love is sharing your rotting corpses with your friends!]
02.) Post those you gave the award to,
so fans of your site can see the places you like and Paid It Forward too.
The following people please come to the stage and receive my undying rabies-filled love...
